empty

My 2011!

2011-12-31T23:13:00.004+08:00

Everyone's reflecting on 2011. On Facebook. So i thought i want to do so also though i doubt the life-changing reflection everyone expects.

I think for the whole of 2011, i was just fretting over time moving so fast. And indeed, time did move so fast (because i was fretting over it?). From full-timing at BBQ Chicken and then part-timing... After that i was in school and i quit part-timing at BBQ Chicken and now i've got myself a new job at year end though i'm kind of waiting for another job.

BBQ Chicken was a bittersweet memory. If there's one place that teach me a lot about people, that teach me what school cannot teach me, this place was it. Yeah i'm dealing with customers but that's just one aspect of people which is quite wide. Another aspect is the colleagues. And we go hmmmm... Shall not talk about it but i've become ever ready for anything and any kind of people i might be thrown with.

Sometimes we start at square 1. And then we found out people have different motives. So sometimes we must learn to read between the lines, read behind the meanings. That's square 2. And then we go into a new environment where we meet sincere and nice people. Sometimes innocent. That puts us back to square 1. Ok fine maybe i got a learning point this year. I learned to switch between square 1 and square 2. But new people, always start with square 2. Haha. Now that's regarding to work la.

School was a blessing. School is always a blessing. Friends made at school are always the best. And the higher up i go in my education level, the better are the people i get to know. I feel thoroughly blessed for this. Start with nasty people and always being bullied to getting less bullied, flunk school a bit here and there and here i am in SIM trying to get my feet grounded. DISCIPLINE! First time funding my own school fees, it felt one of a kind. Most of the things i do this year i couldn't believe myself. Being very reserved and all..this - whatever this is that i do is a whole new world. I feel proud of my determination.

Yes. I feel proud of my determination. That's my 2011!

We have about 21 mins to go to 2012. So an advance

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2012!

HaMie!

You And I

2011-11-24T19:50:00.002+08:00

If only my motivation to study is as strong as my motivation to oust the existing mayor in Foursquare. Struggling much? Well maybe you can say so.

I've been dealing with a couple of upsets lately and quite a lump of anxiety filling up my head everyday. And not to forget some people who have to make it worse. But that was last week but it sticks. Screw that person seriously. I just try and stay away whenever and wherever i can. He's so annoying and i can't believe a person of his age can still have that kind of immature mindset. Ok i shall stop talking about this. It's just bringing me down.

Actually i was thinking whether i should carry on with this blog. But then, I went blog-hopping and what wonderful blogs i see. Such happy people in this world and family-oriented. I adore it very much. It's like so cute. I would love to let out a bit once in a while but then there's that sense of insecurity. Ok fine my shoutmix box freaked me out a bit. It's harmless but i tend to dismiss the fact that my blog is world wide view. You know what i mean? This whole paragraph?

The woes of a teenager.. Or should i say a young adult? I should start writing to my diary daily again. But you know what's up with this things.. You're just talking to yourself. If someone could read and listen to you then well it could lift a bit of a burden but then again some information are just top secret and no one should know. So that's where the blog comes?

I've been beating around the bush. I don't know what i wanna say. It seems that what's in my head don't go along with whatever i'm typing. My brain is whurring way too fast and my fingers definitely can't catch up. Ok ya. That's all. Till next time!

HaMie!

I hate blogging about school. But I just did.

2011-09-14T20:08:00.001+08:00

Hey. It's been a while since I blogged. And I only got to blog now because I'm testing out this new blogger app that I just bought free in the App Store. It's cool like what the reviewers said. Quite satisfactory for a new app. Cause usually for a new app to become good, they usually take about a lot of reviews after reviews after reviews and updates updates updates THEN they become good. I can view my blog within this app too. :D

Anyways, school has been 3 weeks. This week is the 4th week. I'm still having troubles making friends. Everybody else seems to have their own friends. Do I look that scary or intimidating? Why are people not talking to each other? WHY am I not talking to people?! Knn myself.

Apart from that, the courses are okay. I love my subjects and one tip is you really need to be consistent and constant to survive. Like always revise after the lecture. That's very important. Though how much you think you understand, just go through it the second time to let it sink it. I've been neglecting Maths 1 a bit but yesterday, I told myself I have to work on it. And so I opened my Maths file and revised. Anyways, I had some company for Maths lecture yesterday and coincidentally it's one of my worst topics taught in the lecture yesterday. Trigonometry. With a higher attention level and some company to help through 'stuck' parts, it's way easier to go through a class instead of being alone. Being alone is depressing. Very depressing.

Ok that's all for today. I shall do some econs and revise banking and finance for the test on Saturday. So fast test already.

HaMie!

Do It Right

2011-08-27T01:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you wonder whether you had done things right. In fact, i wonder a lot whether i had done a lot of things right or not. Or was i being such a big bossy woman? Was i doing the right things in spite of my bossiness? Was my bossiness for a good cause? So many questions pop in my head.

I never like being bossy. But i have no choice. I was told to do just that and i was being watched. It's for the sake of orderliness. Yeah i did get things orderly with the best that i can give. And yeah i did get that bit of compliments here and there. But not from the experienced. But at least i got some kind of experience. So many things learned and so many types of human characters i come across.

Then there comes the point where i let go of this. I teach whenever i'm required to. They loved me they thanked me. I never like teaching. But i'm good at teaching. Perhaps the best teachers are the ones who dislikes teaching because they're pressured with getting good results and so if it takes a student too long to understand, it is very pressurising. I have no idea whether you get my point here. I could do with teaching but i'm afraid of failing. What a loser.

Anyways, my point here is this. When your superiors do the opposite of what you teach or don't give a damn. I find that very discouraging. And it happens too much. Before, they could push to me everything. Now, i push back. Your turn to teach. You teach they complain, they ask me. I teach and show clearly, they understand, Satisfaction.

But do you get my point?

I just feel discouraged that my superiors are such a disappointment. Like when i teach newbies to do things a certain way and then suddenly the superior came and do it a different way, especially if it's contradicting or thoroughly opposite, or less strict, or like heck care, i feel like a total BUM.

But what the hell, these people doesn't have good intentions anymore.

HaMie!

I'll be boastful today

2011-08-15T15:55:00.003+08:00

Sometimes and sometimes most of the time i feel proud to see and know how far i've come to in my life. All because of a job. Money. People might see me as a money face or money-minded. Well yes money means everything to me and money makes my world go round. Imagine la without money, i doubt anyone of us in this age can survive. And also the cyber world. But that's not my point today.

Money completes me, glorifies me, cherished me! Being a school kid before, donning a school uniform, everything's so tied up. While others could have amazing things like gadgets, handphones, mp3 players, i only have a lousy phone with very limited memory and i listen to the radio with bad connection and sometimes i have to stay stiff at a spot cause once i move the connection will be disrupted. Of course i'm not the only one.

I feel proud that i've come this far, getting a full-time job, earning my own money, all my expenditures spent with my own money and still earning an income now. It's a dream beyond belief since JC. My dreams came true, i'm a happy kid. All the things in my wanted list which used to be long-term goals are now possible, in fact they can be achieved immediately. And now i'm even supporting my own school fees. All that thousands and thousands of dollars are all gonna be my own money. Makes it all the more worthwhile to go to school and do my best since i know that this is not easy getting all the money. I'm a very happy person with regards to this. Life's cool. Hahah.

Talking about school. Yeah after like 1 year and 9 months of no school, i'm finally getting back to school next Monday. In a university. :) But not local. :( But still! It's SIM, taking a degree under the University of London Bsc Accounting and Finance. Cool right makcik mimah ni?! I was always thinking how the hell i was gonna get a place in a local university taking accounting since the requirement is so high but what the hell, SIM was waiting for me at Clementi! :DD

I want to study very hard! Get 1st class honours! Gambatte makcik mimah! GGMU! LOL macam paham GGMU! GGMM la! GGMM!!

HaMie!

Thank YOU!

I Tune You

2011-08-07T22:35:00.002+08:00

Well i thought i had posted twice this year, but apparently not. Heh. I've been on the com - I mean netbook since 4pm just now AND i had also been syncing my iPod since then. It's a long, frustrating story.

It's been ages since i synced. So today i wanted to sync. So happy happy connect it to my netbook and there's a new software 4.5.3 which i downloaded. Waiting and waiting, did other stuffs. Came back, oh wow it just finished downloading. iPod restarts and by accident, i pressed the Home button and the screen just goes like 'connect to iTunes' when it's already connected. Pissed off, nothing seems to work, i switched off and on my iPod but still the same situation. Except with the option to restore. Oh dammit. And i've been restoring until now. Well actually the restoring played a dirty joke on me. Telling me waiting time is 2 hours, and then 3 and then 4 hours. It did take long for the first half of restoring but the second half was a breeze and that was 8pm. So now left with syncing the stuffs. Now is 10.45pm. 2 and a half hours and it just only pass the halfway mark. Can i just choke myself to death? Ok fine, maybe about 2/3. Do not exaggerate. With that, i guess for another 1/3, it would be about 1hr 15mins. That's 12 midnight. And the apps would all be shuffled again. How i took so much effort to arrange them into categories!

Ok off with that. But maybe a bit more. My netbook is lagging toot time. I don't know whether it might due to the iTunes. But it's sucky. Guess i chose the wrong netbook.

Ok next. Maybe i'll just continue what i wanna say another time. Adios. And ya i haven't changed skin.

HaMie!

I remembered saying to myself how i can't believe that i'm 'working' with you.

Hey

2011-07-28T01:09:00.002+08:00

Had been intending to update. But never did. Was so-called waiting for the right time where the feeling is really there to blog. You know, cause i always blogged crap. Haha. My spellings are a bit off tonight. But the pronunciation should be okay. Haha paham-paham je la korang! Whether = where the. Something like that. But i'll read and edit before posting so everything should be alright.

Well apparently my blogskin is very unfriendly here on my netbook Google Chrome. So i want to change skin soon. Blogskin.com is being such a pain in the butt with tremendous amounts of skins for wordpress. Skins for blogger i noticed have been the same. Guess it's out-trending. Anyway i hate the lecehness of changing skin.. With the html codes and all. But if i use the template from blogger, i completely do not like it.. What gadgets la.. I actually attempted it on a new blog and don't really like it i guess.

Yup new blog. Why? Cause i thought this blog is messy.

Intoxicated.

With unpleasant past memories. But memories. That's what's holding me back. I love memories. So maybe i'm deciding to continue on with this blog? Perhaps. Ermm i'll update more another time. What i'm doing now and all. And i hope that by that time, i'll have a new and better blogskin.

HaMie!~

All you have to do is be unique.

Do what is comfortable for you.

Don't copy just because their's look better and presentable.

It's about telling them about you.

All i can say

2010-12-22T22:12:00.002+08:00

All i can say is, little did i know..

All i can say is, what a small world we all live in..

All i can say is, these are adults..

All i can say is, this is how evil one can get..

All i can say is, this is how love is..

All i can say is, some guys just don't get it..

All i can say is, but some are that romantic..

All i can say is, what i can say..

But most of all, all i can say is, i'm really sad

HaMie!

Get me out of here please

Bad cycle no ho! BAD CYCLE.

2010-12-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

Jiwang jugak ehk aku ni.. --> previous post. Hahah.

Anyways, i've been on a bad daily cycle which have killed me in various ways since last week. Vomiting, lack of sleeps and sorts. Guess work is getting a bit too overwhelming. But still, i try. Ah must remember to get my last two invoices from TPY.

I mean once there's insufficient people working, there goes. On and on for the whole week i shall have to go. 11 hours of work straight for 5 days this week. I'm as good as dead.

And then to think of leaving this job. Circumstances consequences. Fuxk it's not severe la but it's just those in-my-head thingy that i think about often. Because i thought about this this afternoon when i just woke up at 3pm and staring out my kitchen window. Two things: Self-centeredness or Self-good aka for my own good. Well, of course it's for my own good but to leave one alone handling is like self-centeredness in other's eyes. Overall, it's self-good actually that matters but others is what makes self-centeredness. I know you don't understand but somehow i don't know how, self-centeredness and self-good are somewhat the same meaning. Fuxk. But maybe on the negative point of view.

WHATEVER.

Ok gudnite. For now. I have a "meeting" tomorrow morning 2 hours before 11 hours of work. Tata.

HaMie!

Well i guess what happened was i accidentally locked my heart

and purposely threw away the keys.

Aku musnah kerna cinta.

2010-11-28T01:29:00.002+08:00

Hatiku pedih bila engkau pergi tanpa mengucapkan selamat malam. Aku memarahi diriku sendiri kerana selama ini aku tak menyambut kembali cintamu. Aku menyesal. Tapi mengapa mereka selalu mengahalang. Alasannya jarak. Alasannya dirimu player.

Adakah jarak itu suatu rintangan yang amat besar? Soal jarak pasti ada penyelesaiannya. Mengapa harus yang jauh berjaya mengumpan diriku ini yang lemah di tangan cinta?

Cinta itu buta. Aku buta setiap kali aku jatuh di dalam lubang cinta. Lubang yang lain daripada yang lain, yang penuh dengan asmara indah. Aku lalai kerana cinta. Cinta membutakanku secara menyeluruh.

Hari pertama ku mengenali dirimu. Hari kedua kau mengucapkan kata-kata indah di kuping telingaku. Hari ketiga ku mendekati soal peribadimu. Hari keempat kau tetap menegurku tapi kau tidak seceria dahulu.

Mungkin kau menyangka aku tidak mahukan dirimu. Tetapi itulah sangkaanku kali pertama ku mengenalimu. Kerana kau bukan orang dekat. Kau jauh. Bagaimana harusku melemaskan diriku dalam cintamu?

Hatiku bagaikan kaca yang harus ditatang bagaikan minyak yang penuh. Sekali itu kau cuba mengambil hatiku, sekali itulah juga aku terpaut. Dan bila ku terpaut, susah aku nak lepaskan. Darah kan meleleh tidak henti-hentinya jika hati yang tersangkut ini kau lukakan dengan melepaskannya.

Mengapa harus cinta itu buta? Aku mahu fikir masak-masak. Tetapi masa tidak akan menunggu. Kau tambat hatiku sebegitu rupa. Tapi kau dikecewa. Kini ku pula kecewa.

Tomorrow maybe? Please.

HaMie!

ILYILYILYILYILYILYILYILY

I want to be Alrite and Okeh!

2010-11-12T01:51:00.002+08:00

I couldn't stand it sometimes, working in this environment. I feel kind of stressed up. I hate what i'm seeing, i hate why i can't adjust or amend it and in the end i hate the feeling that arise from all this. I feel like a failure seeing all of those who were under me work. But then, most of them are from that kind. But then again, it could be possible to change it. Only that the control from the above is too hard to overpower and overcome even if you use the deadly that's-it Killing Curse which Voldemort used on Harry's parents.

What turns out of it is i must point tell show them what there is to do. Like a moving statue. Because i'm not allowed to do it. They must do it. Order from the above. But the above always tend to bastard me without realising. They drag those whom i'm supposed to point tell and show to their meeting table in the Order of the Farking Phoenix.

It's freaking tiring ordering people and i hate to do it. Especially with the "Who are you to tell me what to do?" face expression replying me. There is no control. I failed. The above failed to totally carve me about this. He gave up on me actually. Could see it. Cause i guess i was oblivious that i was emitting an energy that goes like ~~I don't want to do this controlling dumbass~~.

And then there's other stuffs. The admins. Ugh. Not that i dislike it totally which is ridiculous for someone who wants to freaking sit down in the office and do admin. It's just that with this tits and tats popping out, it gets freaking confusing though it's rather mechanical and simple.

We just need to reduce self-centeredness too. He say more she say more. All want to win. All want it your way. Whichever way is your way. It's depressing. But the rationality all, it lies on the person whom you hate. Because he holds the rationality point and it can kill your point down.

But then again, all this can point straight back at me. Shoot me back. Kapow kapow kapow!

Why am i making a joke out of this? But seriously, i've learnt something recently this past few months.

I hate my job.

I WANT TO QUIT!

Anyhoots i just saw a video a couple of my friends posted on fb. Some insane girl singing to some crazy song. Tai ta ke tai ta ke tai ta ke yoo..
Moral of the story: Even if you made a video that you and your friends might find funny and hilarious, keep it to yourself. Post it and others will think you're sick.
What she's doing kinda remind me of myself. Hahs.

HaMie!

When will this come to an end?

DISTURBIA.

2010-11-05T01:07:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling particularly lazy tonight. And kind of irritated. Plus some disturbing thoughts at the back of my head. It's 1 am and i'm working at 11am.. So it should be still pretty okay.

You know. By right, i have a lot of things to do. A lot of my admin stuffs to clear, to give myself some kind of balance for the rest of the month. I'm feeling particularly worried if i cannot save enough for school next year. Minimum amount to save is 9k. But i want to save 11k. And i only have half of that after working 11 months like hell. Talking about work, sad to say, i don't think pay's enough. Basically these are the 2 things that are dominant in my head, crashing frequently. And for me, my problem now is all about money. Always $$$$$$!

I hate myself for thinking too much mechanically and emotionally causing unwanted emo moments on facebook status updates. It's so dumb you know. Whereas if i put at twitter, it doesn't sound so dumb because everyone expresses even the smallest things on twitter. But bad point is no one knows and no one to listen to me cause i'm pretty friendless on twitter.

Well you know what? As normal human beings we all want to be loved. I want to be loved. You want to be loved. But it always ends up like they already have a bunch of lovers. You're just the loser pathetic missed-out you're-too-late idiot. Nevermind. I'm talking cock language. Goodnight.

HaMie!

Does your presence before still affects me now?

A decision i have to make.

2010-10-27T22:46:00.005+08:00

Sometimes i wonder why do i do crazy things and have funny funny errotic behaviours while my siblings don't do such things. Am i part of the genes? Hahah.

I'm like in a club right now. This song below is making me dance like hell.

See how Rihanna have changed? This song is called Only Girl (In the World) by the way.

And i was wondering why do all the celebs that had gone through a hard dishing time in their relationships had to become like *kerepak!*. Take for example Rihanna and Britney Spears. They start off as innocent singers with good potentials. And then relationships and problems, and they become good girl gone totally bad? Well cause i find this video a bit emo. A bit only.

Somehow, the video is REALLY, the ONLY girl in the world. Ok now i geddit. No bad comments Hams! But really, stop emo-ing just because of relationship. Look at me now.

So gooshiee..! Hahaha! From dull (and i don't know how i got a boyfriend by being like that) and then broken relationship to BOOMZ! Not there but there.. ehhk don't understand forget it. Celebrity-like now and then possibly a relationship again and maybe i'll be like them when my relationship decided to go to a downfall. Hahaha. Joking. This is so not omph! I'm a bit distracted so i don't think this paragraph is as dramatic as i imagined it to be. Dang! Gerendang!

Anyways, i have some thoughts in mind. Some things i want to do next year. Some change i want. To put an end to this year which i could categorize as majorly pathetic. But i must admit that there have been some nice times, great times i can never forget. And the three most wonderful people i have met this year. It hurts to leave good memories behind but if a bad one sets as a basement for that good ones, what do you do? I can't take that.

Two more months and i want to leave if God allow me to. It may sound a little too self-centered but i want some time by myself even when i have some full-time thing i have to do. I want to do and learn the things i told myself i wanted to do and learn before my A levels exam last year. I want to achieve what i've been wanting to do. Doing what i'm doing now is chaining my time. And this is the only period i will have time before i chain myself again to school in August next year.

Should i or should i not? I don't know. Pity pity pity. But think of yourself please. Love love love.. If you love me let me go. Does that solves everything? Haha. Ok serious.

Ok fine i giddy already.. I've been online the whole day. But i won't stop. Heh. Ciao.

HaMie!

Want you to make me feel like i'm the only girl in the world!

I don't know you but i can feel the pain running through your veins..

2010-10-25T02:20:00.002+08:00

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn

That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go

So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know it's better if we just let it go

Every time i try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and i fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume i suppose

But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go

So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know it's better if we just let it go

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear

So let's have
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know it's better if we just let it go

We both know
It's better if we just let it go

We both know
It's better if we just let it go

One Last ~ Taufik Batisah

The song that's been replaying in my head the whole day..
Such a soothing one..
Such a soothing voice..
Whoever is his choice, is one hell of a lucky girl..

HaMie!

I wish I could

Lovely Roses

2010-10-24T00:54:00.002+08:00

When you finally get your butt down and sit, not talking, not having anything to bother you in that split second or when it's just impossible to do something at that moment. Wtf i must begin my sentence with sometimes. Alright, all over!

Sometimes, when you finally get to rest your butt down, not having anything to bother you in that split second or when it's just impossible to do something at that moment, you think. And a lot of things came flooding in. Unconscious thoughts forming itself out. It's been a long time since i had this relieving serenity. Yeah i do have times i take this kinds of break but i'm always listening to others. But this time, my brother didn't talk to me, busy burning money away and so events flooded in my head. Little things that bother me. Cock-ups i had for the day reliving in my head. And i become disturbed, remorsed for that bit of moment. But it's like letting go of that unconscious burden too. How, i don't know, don't ask.

Alone time is important to me. Best done in the night, at the dark, green environment. I hate green but green turns black at night so it's okay. And then my brother is always irritatingly the best companion in this kind of moods and alone time. Cause i can't have alone time all by myself ironically. Alone time in my room, yeah can. But i have so many things to do at home recently that alone time is hard to come by.

And so i thought, what the hell will be the outcome of all my emotional stress? Nothing happens, i won't gain anything from it. I know i won't. Nothing will happen. I'm wasting my brain juices compressing and squeezing out juices when i think about it. Cause if you want the best, the best already had their own best. What's the meaning of life then? I mean this only applies to me because i'm that emo. But true enough, it's always like that. For me.

And then sometime i wonder, how long will i be like this. Sometimes i can't believe myself. Why is it that even so many youngsters now and a large group of my friends have a soulmate of an opposite gender while mine is hard to come by? Wtf i'm talking about boyfriend/girlfriend. Not that i'm jealous or empty. But yeah i feel empty. But you don't need a relationship to not feel empty. But when you live everyday shouting in between your own family members, don't you just get so fucked up? You don't feel happy. Well i don't feel happy. I feel lonely. I don't laugh genuinely and to my heart's content everyday. I laugh when i make jokes just to make myself happy and this is so cliche.

I don't know who am i when i laugh.

Hamie.

The one with the Best-fit Key taking a time too long..

November is next month.

2010-10-17T02:19:00.002+08:00

Apesal kau marah-marah ni Hamimah?
Sebab aku geram. Geram sangat-sangat. Geram dengan orang yang mementingkan diri sendiri dahulu. Dan yang tidak memahami situasi orang lain. Semua aku aku aku. Asal tak suruh paku je buat? Buto.
Abeh sekarang aku kene kebulor sebab orang lain amek the last of the maggi curry. Aku mane makan maggi mee goreng? Aku tak reti masak bende-bende gitu. Inilah jantan. Kene marah sikit, tengking sikit, nak merajok. Korang species kecut. Pe-nge-cot. Ego.
Tak pernah sesekali pun ade jantan yang boleh tunjukkan aku yang dier tak self-centered or ego. Semua sama. Macam mane nak kahwin? Kahwin perempuan je lah.

Anyways, HELLO WORLD!

I miss school. That was what was running through my head when i was walking back home from work yesterday. I just miss cracking my head for school. Or maybe i just hate work now. Not that i loved before. It's just that i love work more before only that at that point in time, i hate something that make me not realise how much i love work. Annoying fact. Now is like a body with skeletons without true tough skin. I hate what i have to go through.

And then i keep facing problems with the people around me. How fucking annoying they can get.. And can i just censor my words? Like f**king. Always getting into fights.. But then again, i keep thinking how is it my fault. Because i always try to find the fault in myself first before blaming others so that when they shoot back, i have a firm ground. Yes i do get tantrums and that serves as a good platform for them to fire back. But the rationality of it all. It is so hurtful for damn's sake. I hate giving in to others. Give in give in give in. The only person who could understand this is as good as gone. And now i'm tearing up. Argh.

I am a normal person who wants to lead a normal life with big dreams and a first class degree.
Wtf does that really mean?

What is normal? Define NORMAL.
*dush* you. How am i suppose to know i wasn't going to have any food tonight? Starve la starve!

Hams Shwizzlie!

Baby hit me ONE MORE TIME!

You have to read this in a drunk manner.

2010-09-22T22:49:00.003+08:00

Sometimes in life, you are forced to do the things you don't want to do. I, for instance, hate teaching because i am a bad teacher and i'm not good at teaching but - I don't know how far a truth that is.

Well hi, it's been a long time since i blogged - properly. Today i'm going to attempt to blog properly. I mean, wth everybody's losing the essence of blogging except for some. I, am a damn good example of losing the essence. But i bet there are more out there who have lost the essence worst than me.

An nyoung ha seh yo!

I used to love blogging but i don't know why i just have no idea what to blog about this year! And then i notice, i've been blogging about my life in a "vague" manner. But even vague won't do the trick now. Everything is privatised. There's no such word as privatised. Thanks hor.

Anyways, lately. Lately i've been feeling a bit too down. Because there is no meaning to life if there's no ups and down. I was so angry about this phenomenon that i actually thought to myself that "You are meant to drown in unhappiness." Because good things doesn't last forever. Happiness only drops by for a while and they leave. Just like that. And after that the tsunami just wants to butt in. Causing none other than stress and depression. It's soooowwweeee frustrating!

I've had my bit of happiness this year after some really tough times. And you know what's the thing about happiness? Once you got it, something just had to happen to destroy it. So does my conclusion that i am meant to drown in unhappiness true? True. Bingo! Green light!
But WHY must it be like that ah?

But you know what? God doesn't create everything in this world the same. Everyone is unique. What we experience is not all the same. Maybe it's just my life that have to be like this to teach me to persevere and be patient for something good to roll in. Or even work for it. Like not waiting for things to happen thus making things happen.

But then again, sure we all have happiness. In different forms. Maybe i'm just too depressed and frustrated over bad things that i'm complaining right now. I shouldn't. Shouldn't shouldn't.

Anyway, i can't wait to go back to school. Working is good because of money. But when you have problems and life is so monotonous there and you yearn for something or what i mean is someone, you just complain. I miss working my brain to it's maximum.

But what can i do? I also don't know what to do. I just try to stop myself from hoping. Because when i hope, it will never come. It will come at the most unexpected scenario.

Bleagh.

HaMie!

I think too much

I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat

2010-09-22T00:16:00.001+08:00

I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
But I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

I see your blue eyes, everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
I can't believe that I still want you (and loving you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
I can't believe that I still want you (and loving you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

Trivial Matters

2010-08-27T03:35:00.002+08:00

Most of the time, most of the trivial matters disturbs me the most. And the best part about this trivial matter is that it only revolves around me for instance if it does associate someone else. The someone else will be like, "Hey man! What's the problem?" And actually it goes something like this quote:

"Missing someone is a horrible feeling, but knowing that they don't miss you back is so much worse."

So i do miss someone.

A lot of emotions have been welling up in me recently. Discomfort, guilt, anger, hatred, love, yearning, confused. But that's just to name a few. Day by day, it seems to weigh down on me. And keep on weighing itself down on me. Especially the guilt mixed with the yearning. It is such a crazy emotion to put up with.

It weighed down so much i didn't know it was all showing in my face slowly everyday. I couldn't afford a smile sometimes. I just frown. I feel so sad.

HaMie!

Will i ever blog again?

Underestimaters!

2010-08-01T00:06:00.001+08:00

I've been feeling down lately. And just so vulnerable. And sometimes, i thought, if only i were a tortoise, i would hide myself inside my shell whenever i feel like breaking down or when i feel so vulnerable. For a person who have practically no life, a lot seems to have happen in the span of just one week. From last Friday till 2 days ago. What day is it today? Saturday. Sunday i mean. So yes. Ya 1 whole week. hedrfgosengvgtsbzibdfwvunor94577456t0nc.

Last Friday was crazy seriously. And the lesson i learnt is never to make a big decision fast. A big decision is meant to be thought of especially when it involves money. And what i got into is BIG MONEY. Let's just say.... four figure? It's just that no matter how convincing it is, IF it involves money, just get out of it and discuss first and weigh your options. It's important to think through. And i regret it very much. Very very very much.

Especially regarding the one who got me involved in this. To me, it was like a trickery. Very cunning. Like damn damn cunning. I felt like i was lied at. She said it's ok if i don't join. Told me that she's just gonna show me around and i just form my opinion. It really doesn't matter if i don't join. And then what happen in the end was this person forcing me to join. Telling me the benefits of it and highlighting my fucking dreams of paying for my own bloody uni fees and wanting to support my mum. Fuck you ah. And then bringing her other friends to talk to me as if i'm some problematic kid in need of some stoopid useless counselling. I know my dreams and i know how i am going to go about it. Go ahead la go ahead and attend lessons there on how to manipulate people to join your bloody asshole company! Busok punye orang. Knn.

But i was lucky. I got my four figure back with some difficulties and having to put up with 5 excuses to give it back to me. Well you almost got to run away with it but even though i am a tortoise, i appear to be faster than the rest of the human population. You lost. I'm gonna remove you from my life. I'm not the person you know anymore. What you're seeing now is a don't-mess-with-me Hamimah. Fuck off! I don't freaking care if the whole world reads about this. It's lucky enough that i never mention the company's name. And anyway, is the company under investigation? KAPOW! DIE YOU ALL DIEE!!!!

Ehem. So Friday. Had a company dinner. My sister came along with her TPY boss and manager. I was so happy to see her. But it was the most funnest dinner we ever had this year. I wasn't my usual reserved self in this kind of situation with the bosses, manager and the other staffs. I was just myself be it at home or with close friends. Everybody was just having fun. It was so fun.

And then after the dinner, talked with sister for a while. Told her about the above problem and she told me how i shouldn't get myself involve in this. She's so protective of me i was so touched. And the part that i couldn't hold back everything was about work. Oh fuck.

Thursday also, i met a good friend. After like 7 months. I told her everything about the above one too. It's so menyakitkan hati tau.. Geram! And now i'm a bit phobic over those kind of people. It was a good catch up but there's more to catch up on. It's just a matter of time.. :)

Apart from all this, i'm also not in talking terms with my mum. All in the span of 1 week. Because of what? That stupid thing i talked about above la.. They love going back late and dragged me into it and this is what happen. Fuck them all.

But anyways, sorry for all the vulgarities. I'm so mad. My life shall go back to normal i guess. But i just hope everything could be better at every main aspects of my life at this point of time. And i hope i hope i hope that everything would be better for you and you too. Thank you for the care and concern. Both of you are the best. Though you may not know anything. Haha. Wth.

HaMie!

And then i just wish i have a boyfriend..

2010-07-28T00:34:00.002+08:00

Hmmmm... hullo! Blogging has become so boring. Nothing to talk about other than about your life. And it's so hard to get the right mojo at the right time to blog about nonsense that makes perfect sense stuffs. I hate blogging about my life. And my life had just gone topsy-turvy. All thanks to a smart tactic. Damn all this tactics. I don't want ok? That's my final decision. STOP BUGGING ME! I don't freaking care about 5 figures. I love it this way and money don't make the world goes round. It still circulates like every other day around the sun while rotating itself at the same time. Dammit all!

It's so rude and hideous. Damn smart. No wonder i hate smart people. And i decided to become gundu and a freaking sotong. You see? EXCUSES!

I want to be normal again. Can i? Just give me back my 4 figure and everything will be alright. I swear. I know why that excuse came up. Because you want to bug me. Can i put a bug at your bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so pissed. And i need my bed.

HaMie!

Until God knows when

2010-07-16T16:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, you have to deal with heartbreaks. Sometimes the heartbreak could be a stupid one. Like what i always experience. But most of the time, for others, a heartbreak is really, i mean really, a heartbreak. How annoying right?

Anyways, i'm feeling a bit down. Like d down d down d down ddown.. But then again, like i say, it's because of a stupid heartbreak. Which is not really stupid in a clumsy and dumb way considering how i spell my 'stupid'. Haha.

Yeah yeah so there had been somethings going on. But then again, it's stupid. It's internal and nobody knows about it. Until now. HAHA. But then again, it might not necessarily be me right? Just a wild imagination perhaps.. Or maybe too into cloud 9 to the point that i go like it's me me me! Nobody else, i know it's directed to me! Bloody cloud 9. But then again, i know....

that cloud 9 is not true..

I feel so disappointed in a sense. Go without a word. And the timing cancelled just like that. Like easy does it. And i had to be at my worst on the last. And EVERYTHING soft seems to be like going straight to me. And the actions that speaks louder than the words. And then almost everything tallying. wtf. Tapi pas tu wa tak faham. In real life. LAIN DOK!

ahhaahahahahaha...

And then the last one. Itulah yang menghancurkan segala jiwa dan ragaku..

(That is the one that destroys me inside out.)

HaMie!

I have the chance to make it happen. But could i?

So life decided to take a toll

2010-06-25T01:50:00.002+08:00

Okay. Hi. Hmmm.. I've been fine but half the time trying to be fine.. Haha.

Anyways, i have 2 off days this week. Just to get a break. Looking at the time, today would be the 2nd day and yesterday was the first and i had a good time. :) I went to Jurong SAFRA with Felicia and Ling Feng to Kbox. It was so cool and cold too. Sing sing sing.. Lalalala.. I don't usually sing in front of others but i just sang. I mean it's Kbox. You go there you're suppose to karaoke right? :)

But something terrible happened before that. My phone went down on me. I got all my messages from the previous day (Thursday) only at 12.30pm. And i was like SHIT! Cause change timing to half hour earlier ma.. Damn phone.. But i don't know which one is causing the problem though. Singtel is sometimes tiaong tiaong...whatever that is.. And my phone also sometimes shuts down by itself or gets jam big time. But from this anyone would say to change phone. Am i right? Dunno la.. I've spent a lot this month so i don't want to spend some more in another month. I need to save up.

Ok so anyway, after kbox-ing from 1.15pm to 4pm, it was too early to go back home. And so we catch a movie, Knight and Day at 5pm. It was a great movie. Dangerous and out-of-mind humour. Haha. After the movie, we called it a day. :)

--------------------------------------

And then the news came so suddenly. I couldn't hold all my feelings in the night the news was told to me. I was so heartbroken. When i first heard it, i was like yea. I haven't think through what i would lose and what i would miss and all that. I expected it actually and i was always mentally preparing myself everytime this person took long leave, imagined it to be like forever. And we're left with a week. If i had known this would happen, i wouldn't have taken my 2 days off to spend the remaining days with this person at work as best as possible.

But if one have to go, they must go. No one can stop. Because everything happens for a reason. A very good reason and i moved on with this words motivating me through and pulling me through hard times.

HaMie!

I gave you the key already. Why are you not doing it?

Or does it still not fit?

Tsamina mina eheh waka waka eheh!

2010-06-17T02:27:00.004+08:00

Okay quick update.

This is how my life had been going on.

By day,

And by night,

I hate the people who put me in this situation.
It's two different emotions warring inside me every single day.
But of course the person who cause the day mood sucks more.

And the one who cause the night mood, i'm still unsure.
But you're showing every single blatant sign.
Only that i don't understand some parts.
But i'm keeping my mind open.
Anything is POSSIBLE.
It may just be a wrong assumption.

HaMie!

Everyday, i keep on thinking and thinking and thinking, trying so hard reading your body language and then wonder and wonder and wonder and then read every single one of your words carefully hoping to be able to decipher something.

Moments of Glory

2010-06-07T03:02:00.002+08:00

Sigh. So sometimes in life you have to make your own decisions.. Nothing is wrong, everything's perfect. Just like how i'd liked it to be. Life is wonderful - at some points. I have no worries in my head seriously. And it's very frustrating. No real hard-core personal errotica personal problems i have to deal with personally. My problems are not problems. They are just temporary frustrations that come and go and doesn't stay stuck with me 24/7.

Why am i complaining? I am just not thankful enough right? Right. And sometimes i just create trouble for myself which ended up in vain. How stoopid of me. I should really treasure this moment of glory right? I do not have to face exams and stress myself to live my days studying like an erroticarous mad siao ting tong. I just go to work and then come back from work and then money comes in and then i spend. And spend. And spend. It's a good life for fcuk's sake. WHY AM I COMPLAINING?? I am so self-centered.

It gets boring. Yeah of course it gets boring. There's no climax at all.

And i enjoyed Twilight. I cried at the part where Bella got hurt and she was like in an excruciating pain. I'm outdated. Ya whatever. Now i know where all those lovey dovey quotes came from. Bloody hell. You're like my personal brand of heroine. Oh god... I enjoyed it totally.

I've been watching movies lately. Started with Shrek and the next day Alice in Wonderland and the day after was Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Then i had a few days rest and today watched Twilight. Immense Enjoyment. Hmm i wanna watch Kungfu Chefs. Watched it half-way through some time back.

Just wondering. How would i survive?

HaMie!

There's a thin line between the dark side and the light side.

Emo

2010-05-29T01:21:00.003+08:00

It's like knowing what to say but not knowing what to say. Everything's getting worse now. I mean the amount of pressure and the dread everyday. How long will this go on? Will somebody tell me? Anyone could ask, "Hey how are you? Is everything fine?" This question is always the hardest question i have to put up with. And the best part is you, bloggy, is the only thing i can relate to, the one whom i can answer that question well. My diary has become redundant too. If i write everything, i will feel so disturbed at the maximum level and it hurts. Life hurts big time ok?

Wth. I miss my life. I miss weekends, public holidays at home. One off day suck to the core. And public holidays and the eve of it is a must-go-work days. It's so sucky. And now i'm like not going to go to school for like what? Another year? I feel like i'm tied to a tree so tightly with a rope.

I'm not asking for anything. In fact, i do enjoy. It's just that now that people change for the worst, it's so hard. I feel insecure. The freedom of movement and entertainment and enjoyment also seems choked up.

I need time for myself and i need to talk. And can you all stop viewing my blog? I hate how the counter is going up up up. Haiz.

St James anyone?

Hamie

I need somebody to love too so that this world will be a place more worthy of living.

You suck to the core

2010-05-25T02:56:00.003+08:00

Hey you hi you.

So i've been a fool.

So i feel fooled.

So i'm still the loser.

So i feel lost.

So i'm still the one stranded.

So you're the effing winner.

So you have a new life.

So i'm still me.

So i still thinks.

So i still need to straighten some things in my head.

So you're getting fatter.

So i'm ever so slim.

So you're still ugly.

So my face is so oily.

So you got that stinky sweet smell.

So my perfume always doesn't stick on me.

So you look matured and adultish.

So i still am childish.

So you won a heart.

So i'm still heartless.

Congrats idiot.

Talk to my hand.

Half the time fool the time

2010-05-18T02:44:00.002+08:00

Half the time when i heard my bosses talking korean language which i don't understand one bit, i was, as i was saying, half the time wishing that they would fire me. What i mean is i wish they were talking about firing me. I don't know why i wish so but i wish so. I mean with him breathing down my neck lately, watching my every freaking moves and how i talk to the customers. And to top it off, hearing him saying to my supervisor to listen to us kiddos when we take order and he specifically said to me (because i was blatantly hearing), "Especially You." *point finger at me* Bleah. Kinda funny. Wth.

Ok fine it's fair because you're serving customer. And all this stoopid blah blah shit about F&B service. What the hell am i talking? It's important. Yeah but - ergh. Maybe i do realise that i have the can't-be-bothered attitude about the right etiquette maybe because i lack interest. Perhaps people don't really see this attitude but apparently big people like my boss does. Hhaha. But actually i don't even know. It's just me working up. Maybe.

Well welll.. look who's here?? The Queen of Insecurity and Inferiority. Lately lately lately.. Fcuk u everything's working up in me lately ok? In some ways, i kinda feel stressed in this job. But this job is my life saviour. In so many ways. And then i will feel worked up about myself. My app and blah blah blah if you know what i mean. It's so hard you know. Online shopping is killing me too. I need Ling Feng to help me with this. Hehe. Physical shopping is horrendous. Seriously. And then, it's just the inferiority.

I need a listening ear. Would you care to rake out everything that i need out, out of me? I can't say it at my own will. I need to be forced. I need to feel better. I need to know what to do. I know others had it worst than me but that doesn't mean it doesn't include me. I just need you to sit down right beside me and lend me your shoulders for me to cry on.

Bloody hell, it's a complicated (plus stubborn) system inside my head ok?

Shuttup shuttup shuttup!

Crazy. hAHA.

HaMie!

Have you no sense of guilt?

Love

2010-05-14T00:11:00.003+08:00

It is a phenomenon i never could understand. It has the ability to make any soul feel content and peaceful. And yet it could be so disappointing too.

Today, my heart lost a beat. I don't know how. Sometimes i wonder how could anyone just leave so easily without looking back again for that one last time?

Insecurities sets in. I'm always so afraid i will lose anyone i love. But it always happens. All good things comes to an end.

I do remember at one point where i thought i couldn't live without this person with me practically everyday. And then i know it will have to happen. I became so resentful of the fact that i choose to harden myself. I harden my feelings. I treat it as if nothing happen. That i don't even fcuking care whether you are around or not. Now that i remembered it and compared my feelings now and then, it's so sad.

I am always so disappointed of the fact that nothing will ever last. Especially when it concerns people i love. I hated the cycle that i had put myself through. It hurts thoroughly. But if i don't put myself in this cycle, it hurts to miss and yearn. I hate it when my heart yearns. But i hate it if i choose to forget about all the great memories and how much i love a person. I Hate It!

That's where i got stuck. What if i had to go through another one? Wth. It's gonna happen soon. I'm in denial.

I hate you love.

Why is it that you hate the people you have to love? The people who will always be in your life? Who are the main part of your life? This is my problem. I don't really hate. But it can get really frustrating at times.

I'm okay bloggy.. Just that my 1st Anniversary of Singlehood had just passed on the 7th of May.

And i feel empty

Goodnight.

Hamie

“Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it” – Rumi

MNTUEMOM

2010-04-30T20:07:00.003+08:00

Ok hi bloggy... Before i turn over the laptop to my bro, i will blog for a bit. So it's been 9 days since i blog. But does it matter? Haha. What talking me..

Anyway, i'll just update you about my life a bit here and there. Ok so let's face the fact that i've been disappointed since my last post till today. I'm still having too much of what i don't really like to talk about. And sometimes it can really get very frustrating when no one freaking understands. And of course, i noticed a trend. And i dunno, perhaps i'm gonna get it at least once every week? I dunno.

Dammit i'm headache-ing right now and my stomach is hungry.. Hmph.

Well, let's just continue. I'm in a dilemma actually.. I still do not know what i'm going to do. Getting to know that other people had got to at least somewhere or waiting so badly that they will get to somewhere freaks me out. It's all over facebook. Bloody facebook. Because i'm practically nowhere that i freak out. If i go there, it will be very expensive. If i go there, most says that it's a waste of my life. If i do just that, i can't bear it because i yearn to go somewhere. But if i go the somewhere, i will miss getting the you know..and then i will have to depend on my parents all over again. Oh gosh...i'm still thinking.

By right i don't plan on telling you about all this not-making-any-sense nonsense. In fact, i had a brief idea on what to blog about and how i was gonna present it to you. But somehow, the moment i got here, to this page, i seem to lost every idea and momentum. I dunno la.. Maybe because it's night already? In 2 1/2 hours it's gonna be tomorrow already? And then 11 hours after that it's gonna be the rigorous cycle again which i have to endure for 1 week? Perhaps.

Hamie.

How is it a joke when it's almost entirely true?

2010-04-21T02:41:00.001+08:00

I want to cry

Worn-out

2010-04-19T00:08:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy..it's been 12 days.. I'm sorry i've been neglecting you.. But frankly, i completely have no idea on what to blog about for like 1 week plus. For now, i've got a bit of a gist as to what i'm gonna blog because 12 days is long and i've been thinking a lot all along. Thinking and thinking about anything and everything. But sometimes, a force hinders because this blog is public. Everyone can see it. And maybe that's why i have nothing to blog about.

Well, let's just talk about 8th April ok? It was so funny.. I just came back from work. About to take the lift. I was walking towards the lift la that time at like 11pm plus.. Then i look left. I mean right. I saw a McDelivery guy in his bike kind of rushing you know..to park. I was like: Dammit. Faster get to the lift! Pressed the button so many times but you and i know no matter how many times you press the stoopid lift button, you won't make it accelerate. Then i heard footsteps. Ok is that the guy. And there's two construction workers walking in my direction. I was like shit. Not that they're gonna harm me. I'm just paranoid but they didn't take the lift and the Mat McDelivery catch up. Smile then take the lift together. Inside the lift the mat asked me, "Baru habis keje?" (Just finished work?) I said, "Haah.." (yes) But nothing happened la.. Just smile smile. Idiot. Maybe he was turned off by how i looked close up. Haha. Haiz.. I was in no mood to talk that time and feeling so stuffy. And he's not my type. But wouldn't it be interesting if he asked for my number..? Anyway this is not soo funny right? First time some random people tried to flirt with me. Things would have been better if i'm prettier ain't it right, boy?? Huhu..

Anyway, my roster this week sucks to the core. I'm gonna be dead. And then my face gonna look like ta pian. I'm worn-out. And my mom's complaining. Gosh! I just hope she won't come down and complain.. If she does, i'm as good as dead. I guess her main point is she never really get to meet me. When she goes to work, i'm sleeping and when i'm back from work, she's asleep. And what makes it worse is i always have something on on my off-day. That's what makes her berang (mad).. But what am i to do? How am i suppose to prioritise? I haven't met my friends for eons too. This is so hard you know..

I've been trying to stop playing my games too. Never played the games on facebook for like a few days now.. Why? Because when i play, i tend to drag till 4am where it's too late. I need the sleep for work.. So now i always try to get at least 6 hours of sleep. And i just stoopidly bought an iTouch last week and i want to download photos into it. But i can't do it with a snap of my fingers because whenever i take photos with my phone, it cannot be downloaded to the iTunes. I need to like put it in my photobucket and then download my own photos and only then i can get it into iTunes. What a crappy phone i have! Argh. Should have bought the Nokia 5730 instead. With such a tedious job just to get the photos on my iTouch, i'm gonna need lots of time. But with a crappy roster, what can i say? Why?

I'm so tired i need to sleep after changing my work clothes now and going through the tedious steps of washing my face.. Haiz..

GoodyNighty worldy...

HaMie!

I miss the feeling...

Stupid

2010-04-07T01:16:00.003+08:00

I feel bored and so i decided to blog. But the problem is i don't know what to blog about. Apart from the part where i tell you that i have changed skin, i got no more ideas on what topic to talk talk talk about.

So yeah. I changed skin. Ergh do you know how hard it is to find skins? I wanted something with brushes and a lot of cool and sleek designs which is associated with music and there were some which were somewhat close but the size is small la.. I mean like it occupies only like the half left of the stupid big screen. And i don't know much about html so i won't know how to adjust the size or whatever they call it. It's so irritating. But you know what's best bloggy? LEARN html and do it myself, my own skin. Something that suits me just right.

So what else do i talk about? Errmmm.... haizz.... life has just been work work and work. And i've been having too much ot too.. I'm burnt-out. I feel sleepy every single stupid day. But i try, always always always try to be more cheerful every single day and keep all those burnt-outness behind. Never to think about it. Because it can make me emo. And when i emo, i got a pantat look which will surely make people pissed with me. Oh goodness. I want to write so much more but no.

Sometimes i find it unfair too la.. But does being young gives you all the right reasons to put him or her into such a rigor? Ok maybe for a loser like me who prioritises her games on top of everything else is quite sensible, but in general? I'm disappointed.

I'm no money face though i behave like one.

2 more days to off day. Friday. I don't want to go out with anybody this time round but my bro is an exception. Hehe. I want to go somewhere far away or somewhere where i can feel far far away. And there's only one place in this country that can make me feel far away... But i don't know whether i should go cuz i'm tired.. I'm burnt-out. So much.

And i can't bear to lose you now. But if you don't go, i'll be more stuck and it will be harder to let go.

Can ex-boy please stop disturbing me? I don't want to be friends. I just want to be far away from you. I don't want to contact you. I want to isolate myself. I don't want to be reminded of anything and all those bad times and bad things i do. I regret it so much.

And i'm tired. SO TIRED!!!!!!!!!

Hamie.

You didn't want to listen. You didn't want to understand. So be it.

Give me Love

2010-04-02T01:43:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy... It's been a long time.. Had completely nothing to blog about. Life has been such a monotonous cycle. And i want to change skin again. But really, it's such a pain in the ass to find for new skin. Nothing suits me! Even if it does, the size is like too small. Know what i mean? And i still don't know html. Or else i would have known how to resize i guess. And maybe do some other editings to how i like it. Whatever. Or maybe i could even make my own skin.

Aniwae, today i mean yesterday, was my OFF DAY! And, i went to Marina Barrage for the first time. Sound effect - *awwww* . Dotsss... Kite flying with Shortie, the little chef in the kitchen. Gerek la. Kite fly high siol.. After so many times being taught how to do it. What a slow learner i am.. Hmmm... But then the last part was heart pain man.. Kite string got kacau-ed. And we had to bring the kite down and i did the 'honours' of cutting the kite string with my nail-cutter. Cuz it was so badly entangled! But the main part of the kite didn't flew away la of course. Still have it and left with not much kite string.. Haiz..

And when we were in the train back, some freaking loser thought shortie was carrying a knife just because the kite is kept folded and then put like in a long bag. Damn loserrrr....

Went to work after that.. But not working la of course.. Just sending shortie there... Meow..

I love the water playground there.. Felt like just lying there..and cool my whole body.. I miss swimming...

Sigh... It's really good without school breathing down my neck.. There's completely no homework. Can go out and play games endlessly whenever there's free time. There is no worry at the back of my head going like "Hamimah!! You haven't do the GP essay! Your maths also!! So many tutorials not done! Everyone hand in their tutorials already! And your chem! Never do later must stand at the back of the class! And faster chiong the malay homework first!!!" Crazy sia... Then history leh? Don't care lorr... Hhahaa.. Attitude...

I miss the fun times in school too. My friends and all the stoopid jokes.. And then i also have my cousin in the same school as me and not to forget my aunt too. Memories...so many of them.. I miss going to school because of all the fun you never expect. Then there are also friends to talk to and sometimes confide in and then rest my head on their shoulder and have theirs on mine too.. Night study...go McDonalds first.. Double cheeseburger and iced milo.. Then study break at 7pm drink hot milo and eat biscuits, sit at the parade square and look up to the sky where the moon is shining so beautifully...like telling you there's still hope...that something somewhere out there is waiting to give you a bright future even though everything seems to be in vain..

HaMie!

There must be something you hate about a person so much before you can actually love them so bad..

Dear Princess,

2010-03-21T01:25:00.005+08:00

I guess it helps when you say out what you want to do for let's say in the future instead of keeping it a secret to yourself fearing that when you say it out, it won't work out. Because today i finally talk about exactly what i want to do about my studies and my future and what's my next step. Every single one of it. Step by step, i had said it. And it felt good. I feel more confident now. More confident of what i am doing. Because now i have a plan. A conscious plan which had been unconscious till i said it OUT.

And a promise have to be kept a promise. Even if it is an informal promise though i am unsure how that happened. And i decided to keep my promise with a bit of sacrifice. All other things can wait.

Jumping back to the topic on the first paragraph, i said i am now sure of what i want to do. But ironically, i refuse to say it out to you bloggy. Maybe because you are exposed to the whole world. I don't want everybody to know and i have freaking no idea why. My counter is moving up up up so fast. I don't like. Haha. Shouldn't have put the link on facebook right? HAHA. But nevermind, this blog is for those who miss me and wants to know what's up with me. Well, big deal. I'm rotting like hell and i'm picking up bad habits. And i haven't clean up all the mess accumulated from last year because of studying and i've been spending a lot and there's a freaking big hole in my pocket and to top it off, i am an internet addict. Spoilt brat.

I guess i really need to put my life in perspective. I wanna live a life with a new perspective. Something Panic at the Disco would advice. ?? Haha. Now that my final decision's up, i gotta correct my life right now. And stop the emo shitness over the past 2 years. Not that it wasn't great - the 2 years. It was great having fun with friends and all the stoopid nonsense all of us did but the hardcore point of school which is the academics part is such a pain in the ass. Now. Live in the NOW Hamie! First things first:

Clean up my study table and stack them neatly to pour petrol/kerosene/cooking oil/or whatever that works all over my stuffs and then get a lighter and lit it up.
Get all past magazines or buy new ones and stack them right near me and not out of reach. So that i can read about outdated news.
I can't think of anything else creative.
Tsk. Irritating.

I'm just joking ok. I'll just pack everything. Take whatever i deem may be useful to me in the future and put away the rest and when the time comes, i'll get some money from the karung guni man for them. Haiz... But then i have to put my life in perspective right? And so i will try to stop this stoopid addiction and do what's most important first. Make my momma happy with a neat room. Mucho amor...

But you know what? It's so hard to break away from this addiction. So i think my momma will have to wait for an ideal room. Heh.

And while i wait for next year, i think i have to find something to do to keep my brain moving and working. I can't stand it being stagnant and soon become what my primary school teacher would say rusty..

And goodness. Dementia is the last thing i would ever want in my life. Even if i get old. Researched about it just now and after 2 paragraphs i hate the sound of it i immediately stopped reading. Today i had just forgotten something when it's like only a few hours ago and a few days ago, i forgot what day of the week it is. I was so scared if i missed Friday. But maybe i'm just being paranoid. I'm still young. And maybe this is partly my fault for doing crazy things before and i dunno..does trying to forget about past bitter memories possibly lead to dementia?? I don't know.. Goodness.
But then again, maybe i'm just being a bit too paranoid. So typical of Hamimah..

Forget it. I'm trying hard to fight this okay.

Ah. I guess whatever i've been trying to say day in and day out have been achieved. So bloggy, there's a piece of my life for you. I hope it wasn't crap. Because i keep talking crap recently in my blog...right? Boring life la...what do you expect? My life is a stoopid monotonous cycle.... It was and still is and will be anyway. Since last time all the way until now. Like ALWAYS. Argh.

HaMie!

I wish i could get on board the 20+ hours flight...

On that beautiful Sunday night...

2010-03-16T03:08:00.003+08:00

I feel like blogging. And thus i shall blog. Hmm. So what do i blog about?
A lot of things happened this past week. So let's just say it's meant for my diary? It's something personal.. Not so personal la. But the details is personal. Only for me to know and you better not find out.

So let's just talk about my emo sessions. Haha.
I have to say that i've had a hard time and still having a hard time making a final decision as to what i'm going to do. Maybe i already have the final decision only that the decision came in too late i guess. It's not easy to make this decision. From my first option trying to find ways to ease some burdens and then forgetting it and coming back to it and then to this last option which i could have taken a few years back. I'm like U-turning. It wasn't easy at all. And there is also some burdens with this last option which i should categorise minimal because it is my life. I gotta think of myself in this situation.

And my migraine came back to give me a huge HELLO!
Haha..

Met an old friend yesterday as in on Sunday.. Been a long time since we met and coincidentally the both us thought the other had moved house. Haha. We used to be best friends. By right, the meeting was planned actually. By me. She didn't expect it and was utterly shocked and surprised to see me but very happy of course to see me. :) I got to know where she was working from a friend of hers who works in the same shopping mall as me and so after work on that beautiful Sunday night i dropped by to say hello.
:)

HaMie!

Each Day's a Gift and Not a Given Right.

Freako

2010-03-11T02:25:00.002+08:00

Maybe it was a wrong decision after all to post my whole results here. Haha.
Freako. How much more franker can you get Hamie?
But nevermind, it's ok. I just don't know how to start off because i'm not planning to blog and it's 2.30am and i got work at 11am.

So how's my progress? I'm getting some kind of a head-on but now, i'm just TOTALLY confused. And this makes Saturday vitally urgent. Thank goodness i took an off day. Then what? Cancel my thosai date at Teka? Tsk. But at least my mother is willing to come along with me. First time ever.

I gave up on this Mendaki thingy and i'm still confused about all these different sectors and i dunno, closing dates and locations and overseas and science and business and fees and whatnots. Ergh. Why can't everything tally for fcuk's sake and MY sake??
The Princess needs clarity understand?

And why am i disliking my favourite Meraung song by Newboyz?

And what time is the event again?

And what?
I'm nineteen.

HaMie!

Memories of u...
Sux.

GCE 'A' Level results on the 6th day of her Birthday

2010-03-05T21:37:00.004+08:00

Ungraded for General Paper. Kind of expected. So like Chris Daughtry said, there's no surprise. I knew it the moment i left the hall after doing the paper. And so, it's a deal. No local university for me. But before i move on, let me give you a handsome breakdown of my GCE 'A' Level result.

General Paper UNGRADED (they just had to spell out the whole thing)
History D
Malay Lit C
Chemistry E
Math D

What a way to celebrate the 6th day of my birthday. And the most stoopid thing is they had to give a whole bunch of uni courses and private and overseas and local uni pamphlets and booklets all at one shot in one damn stoopid heavy bag to bring all the way back home. And i'm already so skinny and weightless and one you can say weak physically. But not really cuz i can be violent at times.

Okay and so you have seen. My result i mean. Even if i pass GP i can't get to anywhere local can i? So how do i feel? Basically, "So what?" I've had enough of what i have to feel in the morning. Been crying for half an hour even before i got the result. What a wreck i had been. But i guess that is just what i needed or else i could have not been able to control it in school. Then there were some remaining tears which i cried at home after i got back from school. And then my manager called in the middle of my sayu-ness.. Cheered me up a bit la though. Work is a fun place at some points you know.

So what am i gonna do now? Well, i don't know. I'm thinking whether i should leave school to next year and just work this year and shop to the pleasure of my heart and save some money too for school in SIM maybe and for the future desires.. God knows what i mean. My first instinct on the surface frankly, was to just not school anymore and work. Because seeing money coming in to your bank account is the most blissful feeling i can ever get in my entire life and i'm getting things i never thought i could ever get before. And i'm planning to get an iPod or a laptop. BUT deep down inside, there is that tinge of strong desire to study and get the brain working and just do my best and not let these 2 years repeat by itself again. I want to make something out of my life instead of just some 'O' level as my best qualification. I want to do it again. Maybe not the 'A' levels but perhaps some course in a private uni and get a scholarship or something like that to help in the fees. I want to be the Hamimah i once knew.

All in all, my A level result had shown some improvements from the prelims. Except for GP of course. Maintained it. Haha. Still never deprove what? HAHAHA! I was so happy when i got to know that there are 100% passes for H1 History. At last i pass History. 2 grades up for me. Malay Lit is a 1 grade up. Chem is a 2 grades up also. And Maths is a 3 grades up. Yeay.

Actually the moment i got my result slip from my teacher, i glanced through at the single grades and was seriously surprised to see that there's no S and U. But then after i signed and all those shit, i saw that the U grade is not written as 'U' but 'UNGRADED' in block letters. I was wondering what was that long thing when i glanced shortly at it. Fooled me. But like i said in the beginning, i expected it and so it's utterly no surprise. Chris Daughtry you rock! Haha.

And so, good night to you all. Think positive. Be happy. It's not the end of your life.

HaMie!

Can i be your sunshine?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

2010-02-28T03:20:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!

Happy day Happy thoughts!

Make my day happy for me okay?
Accompany me and just make me smile.
That's all i want for my 19th Birthday! :D

HaMie!

Look like a million bucks, feel like a million bucks!

I try to be a saint - most of the time

2010-02-26T02:26:00.003+08:00

I never get enough of this, do i?
Why why why?
I always want to know that i've got my message across.
I want you to know why i did what i did
Though i know you won't want to listen.
You want to understand it the way you understand it
And that's what makes me feel so unsatisfied.
So long as i don't tell you, i don't feel at ease.
Do you get it?

Frankly there are a lot of reasons for it.
It's not the only reason you think it is.
Ya whatever you're not a saint idiot.
You're a sinner to me
Though to others you may be the opposite.

I have regretted all the time of that period.
And believe it or not, it's gonna be a year since we started.

Why am i saying this?
ARGH.

stop

drop and roll. Whatever.....

My vocabulary is getting more sucky..

Now i know what is so fcuking disturbing about that person who keep coming. He looks like you and he does act like you.

Ah. Clear your head Hamie! Clear it! Stop thinking too much. STOP STONING!!

Buh bye.

I love these LOUD music in my ears. SHOUT IT OUT!!!
Ahaha.

Good night.

HaMie!

Laugh, smile and be happy

Laugh all you want but don't cry

2010-02-22T23:36:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy... Been so long..

Hoho in 5 more days, i'm gonna be a year older.. So sad. Last year with a number 1 for the first digit of my age. After that, it will be 2 which will indicate my living in this world for 2 decades. Arr so old.

Tsk my specs is dropping from my nose. How dumb. Slippery nose. Nothing explains that better than oil on the face. Arr...

Anyways, just had a haircut just now plus a bit of rebonding for my fringe. Yeay so nice now my hair. And the best part is i was given a hair wash though i didn't ask for it and i don't know whether it's the works of the shampoo or the hairdryer or both, my hair now looks so naturally straight. Not rebonded straight but naturally.. How cool... But a bit short and too smooth la.. Gonna have some problem tying my hair for work tomorrow. Haiz... But it really look good. And weird a bit cuz i'm used to my curly wurly hair and now i'm seeing straightness. Yeah baby..

And oh. I got a video to share with you all.. It gets even more and more hilarious as the video goes on.

Just look at the last woman. Funny animal sounds! And snorts. Reminds me of myself. Haha. Crazy la. Hahaha.

Hmm what else do i want to say? Nothing much la i guess.. Not in the mood to get angry and express emotional stuffs.. Haha.. Cuz i do feel disappointed inside somewhere about some things. I just want to keep the negative energy away from me or it may affect my performance at work or whatsoever which i think it did yesterday. Haiz..

I feel BOSANNNNNN to be exact. Bosan by right means bored. But i'm bosan in a sort of pissed way. You know what i mean? Okay bye.. good night world...

HaMie!

Go away

i'm here for your entertainment

2010-02-15T03:31:00.005+08:00

Dear Bloggy, i'm totally addicted to this song.

For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert

This potentially hot guy has a good voice man.. Been hearing this song for the hundredth time i guess.. And this song totally makes me wanna dance around and move around and just release ALL the energy.. And smash some things too.. If only i know how to dance, i won't be dancing like i don't know how... the kind like just punching my hands up into the air.. haha.. that will be Hamimah's stoopid dance...hahahahahahaha...

This song, on the other hand....

Out From Under - Britney Spears

this song totally make my heart hancur berderai (shatter into pieces).. Like kena smashed so hard...so painful.. But i like this song too.. I love the tune... But it's so freaking sad... My heart is slowly dying from hearing this song... So heartbreaking... But Adam will put the mood back into place. STOP THIS SONG and play that Adam song.. Bloody hot devil... I like his smirk..

Ok blog. So it's Chinese New Year. Hmmm... I worked of course.. But i'm not working on the 2nd day of CNY because Monday is usually my off day..

You know, actually i wanna blog some days back about some of my freaking thoughts... But i guess i'm just not in the mood because of this so freaking upbeat song that lifts up my mood damn high.. I wanted to talk about something sad of course. Something i saw on tv.. It's like damn freaking sad.

Let's just put it this way.. Imagine having your very close one that you love so much like your son or daughter or boyfriend or girlfriend or best friend or sibling or whatsoever, who never come back home for a very long time. And then one day, he came back. Well let's say for this case, the son. So the mother was the one who had been missing the son who haven't been back for a long time. Love hugs and so on. Son apologises. And then son says, "Mom, i'm so tired. Can i rest on your lap?" So he rested, never to wake up again. I feel so sad for the mother. I mean so sad. The son came back after a long time but unfortunately only for a while.

The way i write it may not be impactful, but i'm crying. I'm such a cry baby.. Hahaha... Haiyo... i can never make a sad story. So lao sai la my language.

What else i want to say? Hmm...this week had been very busy of course but good in some sense.. Busy because of the promotion.. Streams of people coming in on weekdays. Hardly any rest. Gosh! So damn tired. And oh ya, i got a hong boa from one of the customers just now. Yeay! Not so much but still ok la hor.. I'm not her close relative too.. Yea...so happy!

And i still can't believe i'm off-ing tomorrow as in today.. Time really really flies when you enjoy yourself.. 1 week pass by like a breeze.. And ya...then comes my day and then what? Result? Pih!

HaMie!

More at peace now despite not being so...

Where did you come from? Pluto? Eh don't disturb Saturn. My favourite planet.. MP. Most popular? Macam Paham la bodoh.

2010-02-12T02:46:00.005+08:00

Hey bloggy... It's yet another day where i just don't bother about myself. For fcuk's sake, my body is tired. And really, i don't understand why today was so damn busy at work. What the freaking hell is wrong with these Singaporeans? Sometimes too busy sometimes too free. Please la don't make my hair fly. Whatever that means.

Sigh. So Sunday's Valentine's Day. So ya. Everybody by the name of Valentine, have a great day ok? Well wishes from me. :D

Haiz... you know something bloggy? If we, i mean We.. Not we but We, had stayed strong and sustained, this Valentine's would be about 11 months. Haiz..why the hell am i even thinking about it. Utterly worthless so i'm not gonna care about it. Get out of my life like RIBBIT!

Out of my mind today.

Hmmm... getting better? Dunno. It is. I can tell of course. I'm smart. In a stoopid way of course. Remember that.

And ooooOOOOooooooooo...... A level result is gonna come out soon. Some freaking days after my Big Day. I don't know why i'm so excited over my Big Day this year. So stoopid la. I'm getting older for God's sake. 18 is such a nice number. Why am i impatient for number 19? Rhetorical question people.... Rhetorical question..

Can you imagine? I will definitely guarantee cop plus stamp get shitty result for my A level. So wth am i gonna do? I've thought through almost thoroughly about chasing after my dreams and pursuing my passion but what can i gain with it in the future? Oh damn i hate talking this talk. Let's just talk this talk at some other times in my life ok? When the time has really come which both of us know that it's like very freaking soon.

AH. 12 to 11 tomorrow.. Forgot all about it just now. Let's just hope it's not like today. Don't torture me. I know i get stress easily. Don't need to rub it in. And my brain is not working like a JC brain. Don't need to rub that in too. I know i'm slow. Like a tortoise. I actually thought of having a pet tortoise. So cute you know. And harmless. They don't bite right? Used to want to have hamsters. But ever since my cousin's hamster bit me hard on my finger (and then i flung it across the room BIG TIME but thank God it didn't die!), i forgo hamsters. Adoring Hamtaro is good enough. And oh i got a huggable Hamtaro doll too. One of my 18th birthday present. Yeahoo!

Ok bye before a lot more nonsense come out.

And damn, i miss hearing Kelab Kelakar Seram so much.. Miss laughing terkekek-kekek at all the jokes.. But then, i gotta go. Bye!

HaMie!

Have a baby by me baby be a millionaire

Fatigue

2010-02-07T01:41:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, i just don't freaking understand myself.
Right now, i feel like so fcuking damn tired but i just don't want to sleep.
And on top of that, i also die die want to eat before i sleep.
Eating will involve cooking and so altogether that will be 45 mins.
But oh. I'm not a cook. Heheh. No. I just wish i could cook well..
I'm just going to cook maggie for myself.
Instant noodles like K.I.S.S.
Keep It Simple Stewpid!

Haiz...what a schedule i had this week.
I've been OT-ing from Monday to Saturday..
I'm worn out..
And today there were a lot of people for dinner.
Lunch too actually..
And the 'best' part is i worked for both peak hours.
Cause i have to work from 12pm to 11pm..
And an even 'better' part is the last customer jussstt had to be the largest group of the day
13 people..
And they came just when i was thinking like "Yeay! We can start closing soon and get our butts back home into the safety comfort of the bed!"
I mean, about 15 mins before the last order can be taken.. Arr...
Can don't kacau or not?
Very the tired la..
I was rushing for the closing time..
Not even sure whether everything is really done well..
Bam bam bam..

2 more days to off day though..
And on Monday i have to do OT again..
12pm to 11pm again...
I'm damn freaking tired..
Thank goodness i'm starting at 3pm tomorrow though..
Definitely no OT..
I just hope i won't die or drop dead or whatever..
I hope i can stay strong despite my only off day in a week having to go out with my dear friend..
I will be strong.
As long as it's an off day, i will be re-charged.
Because just hearing the word alone had re-charged me.
And i will do anything for any one of my good friends.

I love you bloggy... :D
Haha.

HaMie!

Look at me. My name is Hamimah. Hah.

old lady in the making

2010-02-03T01:29:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy... So long time never talk to you... Haiz.. Actually i wanted to blog yesterday but i got too engrossed playing games that it was too late by the time i wanted to blog since i gotta sleep for work. So today i blog though i'm still putting my sleeping hours at risk. I'm waking up at 8am tomorrow..or today to be exact. And i so-called want to compensate for the sleeping hours i lost yesterday for my sleep later. Ah whatever. It's not gonna be done. Pish.

Anyways, i'll try to recall what i wanna blog cuz i actually got a lot of substance to blog about which i forgot. Old woman.

Shit. I really forgot leh. Ah fish fish fish!

Let's just talk about what i wrote on facebook. I wrote this on my profile page,
"Take me to London. Let me run away from my life."
Why Hamie why? Why do you forget what you wanna blog about? Bloody idiot. Hahaha.
Haiz.... But i really wanna go somewhere far away one day with someone i treasure so much. That person exist of course only that he/she doesn't know how much he/she meant to me. I wanna spent weeks away.. Away from the people i know.. Away from the usual life i'm having. Just time out for myself. I want to run away and set the trapped feelings free.. Set free all the insecurities and the inferiority.

I hate it when things bother me. I hate it when my real life threatens to get into my night dreams. I want to dream of fantasy. Not of things that i fear happening. But wth. Gotta be strong. I'm prepared for anything and everything. But i'm more prepared for the worst. Aiyo! What am i talking la.. Mood not there la people. Next time must write down what i want to blog about. If not become like this la. BERTERABUR!!! SCATTERED thoughts being smashed into the page. Such that it makes weird sense.

Ergh. So work. Fine i guess. Dragging myself still? Maybe. Half-dragging. Actually it's fully dragging myself to work.. But not really in a way. Because i know there's something i like about going to work which i can't figure out what. Maybe money? Or having something to do? Instead of being at home, jobless and freaking out like what happened in December? I got my pay already btw. Hee hee.. Gonna do my hair soon. Muahaha! And after my second pay, iPod touch, i'm gonna get my hands on you! And i'm seeing so many good stuffs online and at Clementi. Dammit! Hamie! Control the temptation please! Argh... This is so gonna be so good.

HaMie!

Tell me. Is it really worth it drooling over you?

Happy Thoughts Positive Vibes

2010-01-27T03:19:00.004+08:00

He's so sweet la this guy... :) But no, i don't know him. No regrets adding him on facebook though.. For a moment, i wanted to say he's crazy. I don't know why... Add me when i doubt he even know me.. But he's the nicest unknown person i've added on facebook and besides that he also reminds me a lot about my faith.. I've been a bad girl.. Haiz..

Wanna put another song? Ok. This one's a collaboration between Alicia Keys and Beyonce. Woohoo great song. But my Sederhana by that guy is still the best though... hahahaha!

Next one is by Jennifer Lopez.. Louboutins... She almost got abs huh.... Haha..

I love it when little things make me happy. :D
And today i've been smiling a lot. And i hate it. Because whenever i'm happy, i will surely end up very sad the next day or soon. It's true you know..cause i feel quite dull and very negative this morning but then i ended up smiling like kerang manis.. Hahahaha. And whenever i'm happy, there's always something out there in the world that is out to make me unhappy and miserable. Huh. Just wait and see.

But anyways, happy thoughts okay Hamie? And positive vibes please!

It's really good to smile. I mean it feels damn good. All the muscles in the mouth literally working up. And it can stay there forever and ever and ever without feeling tired at all. It makes the face look all beautiful also. Hee hee.. Hahahaha.

I'm smiling. You should really take a look at me right now. It's an all-SMILES issue. :)

Anyways, a bit more about my life. Well, it's been work work work... Just like how last year had been school school school and study study study. And then, for a moment, i miss studying. So much. I miss doing maths and i miss going to school. And i miss every morning at 7am last year. Only God knows what i mean. It's a secret only for me to keep. Now is not the time. Haiz...

Went out with my 3 besties yesterday(Monday) too... We went JP and ate at Swensens... Half the time i was distracted by how the service crew over there function and i was comparing it to at my workplace. Mind you they carry a full tray and were walking so fast i was wondering how they manage to balance the damn things on the damn tray well.

And oh. Me and Fel wanted to get a cake for the belated birthdays of Ling and Kam but damn...wasn't successful.. We were so full too... Tsk...i hope there will be another time though. Positive vibes happy thoughts. Ok peace :)

And oh my dear bloggy, i can't deny that i can't wait for my A level result to come out. WTF! I just want the tension over ok? I know the results is going to be dismal. But i just want to know where i will be heading to in my next stage in education. Haiz.

Good night world. Love ya loads..

HaMie!

I'm wondering when will you and i collide...

It's totally random

2010-01-21T03:28:00.003+08:00

Hey bloggy... you gotta teman (accompany) me tonight... :]

It's wonders what this song can do to my mood... And i thought i'm going to burst out everything here tonight but no i'm not. I'm just this song. This song reflects myself. This song is called Sederhana sang by Syarif Sleeq. He's amazing. I mean - of course he is. :)

Let's just persuade Hamie to talk a bit more ok?
Alright.

Now how do i start? Ok. I can't deny that i feel at a losing end in every aspect of my life lately.
First off, i don't think i will pass my A levels which means to say i doubt i can or will get into university this August.
Secondly, i don't think i can survive whatever i'm doing right now.
Thirdly, i do not know what to do with my life. I am 2010 resolution-less.

Bottom line is i'm in self-doubt. I actually half-shouted in my sleep. Not really sleep. Half-asleep state to be exact. I dreamt something bad. Things i do not want happen in whatever i'm doing and things that i do not want happening with the ones i love so much. So i woke up from the dream realising what i had dream and without expecting it, i shouted in a kind of remorseful way. Like a convict. I feel like such a bad person in my dream which is what i fear most and which is what i know i had done but thankfully it didn't turn out so bad like how it should be.

I am so disturbed.
But i know one thing for sure about today. I had learnt a lot. About people and how to tackle them and about the me before. The me who is smart and one whom people are proud of. And of course i am now not the me before. I am so different. Time passes people change.

Today was also quite a stressful and tensed day for me. I feel rebellious or rather mad because i know what it is. It's not normal, it's abnormal. And i'm not about to let the same thing happen to me again.

And i found out that i've lost the essence of crying my heart out. My tears are kept inside. I cannot take it out. Resentment. That's all. And i need my diary. Maybe it'll help.

Thanks bloggy.

Hamie

stress tension 'smock' get dizzy sleep forget about everything
no wonder

the person whom i show to the whole world

2010-01-19T01:49:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy.... Shitz...i wanna blog but ya know... i got work in 9 hours. There goes my off day. A bit of a disappointment. But it always happens when i go shopping so i guess i just gotta get used to it: Disappointment after Shopping. Argh.

My leg is superr tired. I just hope it won't fail me or whatever.. And i gotta get used to this kind of life for as long as i'm not listed in any school. I got a feeling it's gonna last longer than 8 months...Hahaha..

And woman..please stop being blurr and don't know what to do and whatsoever!

Anyway, this is my new skin. :D I'm beginning to limit my profile even more everytime i change skin. Don't know why. Cuz everytime i decided to add some more infos about me i feel like i'm telling the world too much about myself. Huh. My entries are getting short too. But that's because i got work right? Must sleep early or else blurr... And i still hate my shaking hands. Dang!

My appetite is getting better though. Thank goodness. Gotta regain that 4kg!

Ok that's all. Buh bye bloggy... Till we meet again. Mucho gracias.. Lup ya!

HaMie!

P.S. Oh ya..mixpod looks ugly in this skin. Damn.

Totally empty.. and scared..

Still thinking

2010-01-17T03:52:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggy.. You're currently under construction k? I'm still searching for better skins. This is the best i could find for the mean time so savour it before i decided to change. I might not take this skin cuz my mixpod might not fit. Yeah.

Erm. What else do i say..
I feel like a piece of shit la blog.. But it's pretty not weird for me so i'll be fine. I hope. God i need confidence.

Hamie

How do i get a fulfilling rest?

Sober

2010-01-11T03:22:00.004+08:00

Hey bloggy....

Today, right now, i feel so..... i don't know. Empty. Sayu. And sesungguhnye amat sunyi. I feel sad and lonely all of a sudden. Something had touched my heart yesterday. And i hate it. Because it always goes wrong in the end. Always. I just - care y'know. About others.

I don't feel whole. I feel empty like i miss someone so much. Which is very true of course. But what can a normal human being like me do?

Thank goodness there's this thing called facebook and msn on this new era. Because picking up a telephone and calling up someone just seem like the hardest thing to do. Because one thing for sure, we all are afraid that we would annoy the other person in the midst of his/her busy-ness. And not only that, sometimes there's awkwardness. What a stoopid thing.

Sometimes i hate having the ability to understand one's weaknesses and being able to stand behind them at all times. Doing that makes me love them though usually it's the other way round.

And most of the time, i hate it when someone cares so much about me and is very concern about me, understands me and is willing to help me in every obstacles that i face. They make me love them even more. But what hurts the most is when they just disappear, never to appear ever again.

I may have appeared not grateful of your help.. But you don't have to go with the wind.. And leave me here all alone withering...

I feel so sad. Sad over those who had cared about me so much but then gone with the wind and sad over myself, over my vulnerable and fragile heart.

Hamie

Do something about this empty heart

I need to write something that will make me more confident.

2010-01-08T01:39:00.003+08:00

Hi blog. How are you? I see you're doing very fine without me. WTH! My stomach is growling man.. My mommy didn't cook anything, i'm very lazy to cook some freaking instant noodles for myself and thus my stomach is left growling worse than a tiger or a lion.

What a stoopid life i lead. Yeah yeah so it's been 4 days of work. I freaking can't wait for Monday. Off day. I'm working for the whole of this week including weekends because i'm a newbie. And i think i hate being a newbie. What more with my hand that throbs uncontrollably. Bloody inheritance.

Somehow i fear sleeping because i knew that the moment i wake up, i will have to prepare for work. Not that i hate work. It was fine honestly but my constant forgetfulness is killing me. Today particularly was a hard day at work though i came with a positive mindset. I stayed back for 2 hours. I was supposed to finish at 8pm but i stayed till 10pm. What the hell. Therefore from here on, i learnt one thing. Never ever expect myself to go home immediately at 8pm when the duty roster said my time is until 8pm. Because 8pm is BUSY time. They need people. Just now was my first taste of it. Fcuk the first taste.

On Wednesday on the other hand, the day before just now, was the day that i felt 'The Crashing Effect'. That's my term of course which means when confidence and demoralisation happens at the same time. And for the first time in my life, i don't know what to feel. Anybody would be demoralised at this moment but i'm just damn confused. Maybe because i BELIEVE and i KNOW that i can do this, that i can perfect it. My supervisor told me that most cried under her but i haven't (at least in front of her but i didn't behind her too. Just some bloody watery eyes). How sweet. Just now she gave me a look that really freaked me out. (Damn this person wants me to see me cry!) But i just ran to the toilet. I am so fcuking determined to not let anybody see me cry at work. Maybe due to the resistance that have been built up in me over the years. I'm so glad i had that experience that made me stronger although most of the time i wished i hadn't had that experience. It all pays off i guess. Everything happens for a reason. And this is why that happened.

Ah! Talked too much.

3 more days to day off. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. 3 to 11pm each. Good luck Hamie.

Fcuk. I miss my virtual life.

HaMie!

It's time to start believing...

Feeling Good?

2010-01-03T04:41:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the unintended vulgarity on the previous post. But i hope you know how it goes when someone or you yourself get so blardy happy. Haiz..

Anyways, i'm blogging again. I just can't bear having to sleep early as of tomorrow onwards. But it's for a good cause. So sleep Hamie. And i also can't bear to not being able to be online for hours except maybe on Saturday night cum Sunday morning. But again, it's for a good cause. Not for the world but for myself. Something that i've been wanting so much all my life. Whoever you are, wish me luck on my new experience. (Still got unfinished business though.)

My butt hurts. 2 falls in 2 days. First one was in i'm not going to tell you where but it's at home la. Second one is in public. Haiz...hamimah hamimah.... I keep making a fool of myself and i don't know why. First fall was on left butt and second fall on right butt. Oh ya i dirtied my jeans for the second fall. Two large patch of dirt. All in the name of trying to get a close-up photo of the algae. Can you imagine? It was so damn slippery. Practically no friction. And my bro and me were laughing when reminiscing the incident. How there is no friction at all. And i was slipping down slowly while flailing my hands. Thank goodness i didn't reach low enough to get myself drown. But thank God i could gain some kind of a balance on the slippery rocks with my bare feet and get on dry land. With a bit of shrieking of course.

HAMIMAH!!!!!! STOP BEING SILLY!!!!!

Lmao.

They should put a sign that says "Slippery when wet". This sign is now in both of my fish tanks in fishville ever since the incident. You see? Even a virtual game which does not risk any life knows how to put such a sign. And in a fish tank. Which human can get into small FISH TANK you tell me?

Silly silly silly me!

I just had donuts just now. Donuts is love man..

You know, a random long-lost memory came into my mind while i was having my 1am dinner. Because me and my bro were arguing about how he had hated hearing me shriek during my second fall which he says is equivalent to the behaviour of a b**** while i think it is important. I mean i'm in trouble. Might as well shriek for help and wake those typical Singaporeans who just sit down and stare when people is in trouble (some of the time).

Anyway this shrieking thing reminded me of when i was primary 1. Yeah yeah i was a very very very very very very very very quiet kid of course. And my malay teacher in her attempt to make me speak louder, told me to shout "Tolong! Tolong! (Help! Help!)" in an event that i got caught in a fire. But still, i wouldn't shout. I just say it. Isn't it a bit embarassing? But i remembered that time i was thinking like "Of course i cannot really shout now la. Later when i'm really in such a situation then i will shout very loud." All in the name of panic.. Bottom line is shrieking is important when you're in trouble. So can i say my bro is wrong in hating to hear me shriek? I guess so, at least in my theory of course.

Do you all get what i've been saying in the last 2 paragraphs? Huh? No answer. I take it as a no. But i won't make you understand. Because it's just another one my crap theories.

Ah. I found out i like Muse music. Which is rock of course. Especially Uprising. I like it a lot.

I'm so gonna miss Singapore Idol. I think this season's the best. But i miss some episodes here and there. All in the name of exams. But the SI blog is damn good la. I caught up on everything before the finals except for one of the spectaculars. It's more fun to watch from the beginning especially the auditions seeing the beginnings of those who made true to the spectaculars. Ah long story. Forget it.

But anyway, Sezairi's the Singapore Idol!! But i still like Sylvia's voice. Either way, respect local talent ok people. Sezairi is representing Singapore. So yeah, support local talent. Just like how i support SleeQ! YEAH!

Ok bye. Gonna miss you all. Muah.

Oh wait. I'm nervous leh.. How ah? The vision's killing me!!!

Bye!

HaMie!

I can't think of anything

What with me gone

2010-01-02T04:04:00.004+08:00

If the fish swam out of the ocean
And grew legs and they started walking
And the apes climbed down from the trees
And grew tall and they started talking

And the stars fell out of the sky
And my tears rolled into the ocean
Now i'm looking for a reason why
You even set my world into motion

'Cause if you're not really here
Then the stars don't even matter
Now i'm filled to the top with fear
But it's all just a bunch of matter
'Cause if you're not really here
Then i don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
Black and gold
Black and gold
Black and gold

I looked up into the night sky
And see a thousand eyes staring back
And all around these golden beacons
I see nothing but black

I feel a way of something beyond them
I don't see what i can feel
If vision is the only validation
Then most of my life isn't real

'Cause if you're not really here
Then the stars don't even matter
Now i'm filled to the top with fear
But it's all just a bunch of matter
'Cause if you're not really here
Then i don't want to be either
I wanna be next to you
Black and gold
Black and gold
Black and gold

~Sam Sparro Black and Gold~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHuebHTD-lY

First post of the year
And i decided to be emo
*smirk*
I need to calm my nerves down
And keep it from bursting
I need to meditate people...
DND
Do not disturb
LMA
Leave me alone
LMAO
Haha!

HaMie!

I notice your life isn't as good as i thought it was
So is it my fault?

Essence of Blogging

2009-12-31T02:40:00.006+08:00

Hey yo. I'm so supposed to be happy but i don't know why i'm not. No seriously i should be happy. But something is missing. Just so missing. I don't know la. You all just shuddup and don't ask me so many questions. (Like when you ever did?)

Anyway, why i should be happy? Look below:

I'M EMPLOYED!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
So uber happy!!
(See, my mood change so fast. Hah.)

Won't tell you what's the pay like.
So gonna be jealous of me.
And i don't want to be so high and so pompous over it.
I haven't even start.
First day is on Monday.
And God knows whether i'll be such a fool and bad over serving people.
Haiz..
I'm HAPPY like totally.
But-
I'm nervous.
Just plain nervous.

The Story:
Erm how do i say it? I kind of got an instinct while i was trying to get to sleep on Sunday morning (Saturday night) that i should go to this BBQ Chicken restaurant at a new shopping centre near my place and apply for a job. And so i thought of going there on Monday. But me being me, scaredy cat as always, asked my bro to accompany me. I asked him on Sunday when i woke up and he immediately suggested we go there that day also. And we found out that my instinct was pretty right. They DO want people there. But walk-in interview is from 3-6pm. It was 7pm. So i thought ok fine, i'll come back tomorrow. Long story cut short, i finally got the courage to ask after rounds at the shopping centre. So fill application form, wait for call cuz Mr Manager is not there to conduct interview. And Wednesday! 2.30pm just woke up. 2.45pm my phone rang. Thank goodness i'm not in the toilet yet. So INTERVIEW! I was so excited plus all the nerves working up in me that i kind of gave out a constipated shriek. Haha. So got interviewed where i was told about what i'll be doing, pay and stuffs and go home and wait for another call to confirm my hire and my first day of work. So i got a call at 5.30pm and YABEDABEDOO! I'm in!

I love my instincts man.. It was kind of a strong urge to just go and give it a try since i gave up on trying to find admin jobs cuz i thought i'm not up to it. And thank you God so much! That was my second try on a job by the way. I'm gonna work full time. I'll have to report at 10.45am on the 4th Jan. 6 days per week and 8 hours per day excluding OT. I don't know why Mr Manager kept talking/emphasising about OT. Ya ya i got say yes to being able to work OT on the app form. I mean that's one of the things that could turn any manager or boss on right? Damn you HaMie. Pay is i'm not going to tell you unless you come to me and i'll consider whether you deserve to know. Muahaha.

Damned i talked too much.
But
Yeay Yeay
Never thought this could work out.
I LOVE YOU INSTINCTS!
Should trust you at all times now.

And oh yeah. I can't sleep late anymore then. Tsk.
And come to think of it, this will be my last post of the year. I hate blogging so much.
And i don't know when i'll come back. :D
Happy thoughts though! :)
(Whatever that means)

That aside, i forgot to tell about my night on the Singapore Flyer with my dear dear friends.
Last week, Wednesday night.
Oooh it was cool man...
I looove being at the top.
But it was kind of too fast. I was kind of expecting more.
Like adrenaline?
One you can get at Escape but wth i don't even want to go there!
What's with me?
It was fun being there anyways. Loved it!

I think we're somewhere at the top in this picture. That's another capsule by the way. :)
Sorry for the quality.
In fact, almost all the photo qualities are bad. It's all about being in the night.
Thanks Fel and LF for that day! Cheers!

More about me.
I've been deprived of alone time these past few weeks ever since i finally get out of the house after 2 weeks of being stuck inside after my exams. Not that going out with my frens deprives me of my alone time, it's just that people in the house are having too many breaks from work. Ergh so irritating. I just love having the house to myself and my cat sometimes.
Love my cat so much!

Is that my chem notes?

HaMie!

P.S. The photo above was taken some time back, not 1 or 2 days ago.

What do i do? I'm sobbing.

I can't seem to write proper language today

2009-12-29T02:41:00.004+08:00

YESSA bebeh! Sezairi won! And i thought Sylvia's gonna get it... But haiz....what can i do right? Only vote once. My prepaid was really damn low.. So i managed to vote just once. And the rest of the people in my house were for Sezairi. Damn did i just lost? Argh. It feels so different now that the one that i bet on to win didn't. But whatever..she's still the first runner-up and she's AMAZING mind you. The top 3 was good la seriously. They all better make album ah.. But then i listen from radio only.. Ahaha. Wth. I still haven't get what i want. Until i get that one then i will buy other albums or whatever... Stoopid HMV don't have what i want. Arr.. I'm so buntu now.. Dunno where the hell i can get it.. Buntu is erm shit what is it? It's like your brain dead already.. Ya something like that.

I'm so Singlish today. And oh i'm back to my wordy wordy self. The previous post was really good as in the readability compared to my other wordy wordy posts.

Sharks i'm giddy now..
And i feel like vomiting...? I really dunno what's wrong with me nowadays.. I haven't got any mood to eat.. I miss breakfast everyday.. and sometimes lunch.. Ergh.. I'm gonna lose so much weight! And i hate it! Damn me. Just shove that food down your throat la bodoh. Haiyo...

Anyways, my stoopidity aside, i went for quite a walk around west coast on the 25th, 27th and 28th... December '09.. West Coast Plaza, West Coast Park and Clementi Woods. With my bro of course.. I not that emo to walk alone and explore all this places with people having their eyes on me and thinking "look at the loner!" HAHAHA.

Apparently, i couldn't keep my mouth shut from talking about paranormal stuffs when we're at the most ulu part of clementi woods and my bro was like "Kau berani cakap bende gitu kat tempat macam ni?"(you dare say that kind of thing at this kind of place?) Then i was like it's daylight. Sigh...what's wrong with me? And then we heard this like branches breaking and then there's 2 animals jumping around...i think they're squirrels... Haiz hamimah hamimah...stop playing a fool can? Shit-

Nevermind.

Anyway, i was so convinced that Clementi Woods would somehow link to West Coast Park but my bro proved me wrong.. Instead it lead to NUS... Haiz... I live so near there.. But i dun tink i'll end up there.. So sad but forget it. I got loads of pictures though.. Another time perhaps? Yeah.

Ergh. New Year's gonna come soon. Resolution this year? I don't know.

Early night tonight? MAYBE. I'm freaking out bodoh. See la hamimah. Told you don't play play. Act macho only... Sissy..

HaMie!

I'm not gonna give it.

SINGAPORE IDOL!! Three

2009-12-25T04:23:00.006+08:00

HEY hey hey! I'm back to post about my craze for Singapore Idol right now.

It's so gonna be on Sunday man....!
My guess was right after all, Sezairi and Sylvia in the FINALS!
I really wanted Sezairi in the finals.. So cool watching him sing and his voice is so good and different. Just so unique.
But i'm supporting Sylvia to win SI. Maybe 5 votes for Sylvia and 3 votes for Sezairi?? Cheapskate. Ya whatever. My prepaid's low and i'm very lazy to top-up. Not like i got anybody to talk to anyway.
I want a female idol this time man. Just so cool man this whole thing. I like it best when Sylvia sang American Boy on one of the Spectaculars. She's so classy too.

Pink is her fans colour. Haha. So random. She's so good man.
But because i showed you my favourite Sylvia's performance, I'm gonna show my favourite Sezairi's performance - Faith.

So his fan colour is Green. So classy la. I like.

Plus plus plus there is so much to look forward to in the performances on the Results Show. So many songs gonna be sang. And there's this cute/funny/hilarious(?) song gonna be sang by Farhan, Malaque and Nurul called Chiggy Wiggy. Idol alums gonna come back too. And both Sylvia and Sezairi are gonna sing 7 songs altogether throughout the whole show on Sunday. Choreography and stuffs. I've seen bits of the rehearsals on the unofficial SI blog and i think i will die if i were one of the top 12. Try remembering steps and trying to harmonise and get the pitch right all at the same time. I sure cannot cope. From what i see and read from the blog, summerr-in-the-shower.blogspot.com , it's all gonna be fun Fun FUN at the Indoor Stadium this Sunday although i'm not gonna be there physically. TV's still good enough.

And oh. I didn't know there is an official video for 3oh!3 Starstruckk feat Katy Perry.
Another classy number.
Meeeow!

Okay. More on S & S.

Classy-ness.

Their transformation from the piano show. :)
I think the pic is a bit too small. But you can enlargen it when you click on the pic right?
I dunno.
Do your own experimenting la.

That's all from me today.
Bottom line: Can't wait for Sunday!

HaMie!

No reason to be emo in all this excitement!

Disappointed

2009-12-19T03:24:00.004+08:00

Hey i'm back. After slightly more than a week. Won't say much. In a foul mood now. But i had to blog because i don't think i can come online in the coming 3 days and i'm not gonna fulfil my wish of leaving my blog not updated for a fortnight.

I'm actually disappointed with my bro la for not telling me until 3am just now. -bell. Think i'm gonna go library soon. Feed boredom. I seriously don't know what to do with my life. But at least there's something to look forward to on Tuesday night. Flyer! Yeap yeap with Fel and LF. :D

Talking about going out, i went suntec yesterday with YJ. Walk around. She wanted to buy shoes and there was a good deal at one of the shops. 2 pairs for $30. Then we decided to walk around more to see if there are other shops selling at a better price but unfortunately no. We were so tired after that and very tired to go back up to the shop and thus YJ never bought the shoe. :(

Haiz..i'm very tired right now actually. My insomnia is getting less severe. I'm able to sleep better. But yesterday was a bit bad cause there were lots of distraction waking me up from my beauty sleep. Haha. First there was the rain, then i had cramps and then drillings. They are making new lifts at my block. Every floor lift. So i suppose they were drilling and breaking down the walls for the lifts. Been tolerating it the whole holidays. I pity my cat of all other living things. She get shock easily. And she's been pretty violent nowadays. I've been grabbed at and bitten by her for 3 times at my joints like the elbow which kena twice and my ankle once while i was walking. What a cat. How i kena at the elbow? I was sitting down. I look my cat. She was staring expectantly at me. That's a hint. But i don't care and get back to my work. A few moments later, i felt something grab and barely scratching me at my elbows and i was like, "WEI! What's wrong with you?! Okay fine you want to eat. We go kitchen k? Now let me walk and DON'T bite me." Haha.

HaMie!

Mucho gracias

Rolling about

2009-12-10T00:49:00.002+08:00

Been debating with myself whether i should post anything today or rather yesterday also. But as you can see, i gave in to the angel. I posted up something. I dunno why i don't want to post anything. Maybe the idea of a dead blog fantasizes me. But on the other hand, i also got nothing to tell you. Because compared to the length of time between the previous previous post and the previous post AND the length of time between the previous post and today's post, the latter seem to be far less productive than the former. Hope you get it. Anyway, why i give in to the beautiful angel? Well because i love it when my hands move around the keypads. Tried writing some crap bullshit on word but it turned out very crappy and bullshity. And so i stop and also the word system seem to lag because the first alphabet take 3-5 alphabets i type to actually appear on the screen. So frustrating.

Anyway, like i said, there's nothing amazing about me for the length that i have left you and so there is practically nothing for me to talk about or brag about or rant about or bitch about (do i bitch?) or complain about or complement (compliment?) about or whatever about. The least i can do is drag about a simple thought or topic like i always do and like i just did.

Oh. There is one thing i can talk about though. Prom. Which was yesterday and in my position, it would be best said just now. I didn't go of course or else i wouldn't be here and i would have brag about my prom stuffs in previous posts. Sad life. But at least i will have life next week. Hah. To the hospital. Blorhhohoho.. Shoo that aside and reasons why i didn't go for prom. No money. No money. No money. End of story. Money is a big issue for me even if i have just enough for something. Because - of course la right...must have back-up money also. Where can spend the whole piggy bank on that. Must have some money left also la.. So that can use for rainy day. And that back-up money must be the same amount of whatever i'm gonna use. Bummer. Why am i stressing myself so much? No wonder i can't compete with the entire population and no wonder facebook says i'm depressed. Tsk tsk tsk. I'm crawling back to my emo shell. Huh..

Anyway, i do have quite a number of things to blog about. I've been having insomnia. It is now 9 times harder to sleep everyday. Used to sleep in 10 mins during the school days but in this once immensely long-awaited holidays, sleeping has become such a big issue as i'm like taking 1.5 hours to fall asleep. And i hate the process entirely. Because when i close my eyes to try and sleep, my eyebrows will be like in concentration and it give me head pain. If i relax my eyes, i will feel my eyeballs looking upwards behind my eyelids and it's so uncomfortable. And then most of the times i will think about things while trying to sleep, that i just got so absorbed in my thinking causing me not to be able to sleep. How dumb. After sleeping, i will surely be awake 4 hours later feeling immensely tired but thankfully i will sleep back again with ease sometimes for another 4 hours and wake up for good. But still tired after waking up like i had just been through a triathlon. Like i know how it feels like after doing a triathlon. Very very frustrating you know.

But there's an antidote though. Fatigue. Fatigue have the ability to make me sleep in 10 mins and that is why i sleep faster and easier during school days. Because school make me horrendously tired. Ok deja vu. Have i said about this before?

All right. That's about it for today. And i hope i won't see you in a fortnight or a month or a couple of months or many couples of months or a year or a decade or a century or a millenium. Ah whatever. That'll be my whole life. I'm just joking.

HaMie!

Everyday is like a crazy roller coaster inside this heart.

Burns

2009-12-04T03:34:00.003+08:00

Hi i'm back and apparently blogger haven't remembered me yet so i have to type my whole e-mail all over again. So trivial.

Anyways, somehow i find my bro's laptop screen had elongated horizontally. Dunno how it happened but it sure look like it ay. So second week gone and that would be 10 - 2 = 8 wasted days. But at least i have newspapers all over me. Only that i don't have guts since i'm looking for something big and - i dunno. Haiz.. What a loser. Did talk to the phone twice. Not to the phone but to the person on the other line of course but first was *look at the phone* WTF and second was "oh the post had been taken up". Padan muke kau Hamimah! hAHA. But frankly i was relieved when the woman on the other line said that. Dunno why but that's just me. I wish that money grows on trees. And like Mat Jenin, i climb the coconut tree and dream and dream and dream of big career, big house, big family, handsome hubby, beautiful and charming kids, classy six-seater car, splendid wardrobe and whatnots and then suddenly i fall down from the coconut tree, backache -maybe even dead- plus nothing came true. So typical of me. That makes me Minah Jenin. Chey.. But i don't think you know but i know that of course i won't let my fate be like Mat Jenin. What a stoopid legendary boy.

Yah. Come to think of it...that's about all for this week except that of course i had moved on to reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (in case you had forgotten, i'm outdated). Less than half of the book left to read. I'm not watching kindergarten stories anymore since i'm too lazy to open the tv. Open? Switch on!

WOOW! For a moment i thought i had lost whatever i typed above as i had accidentally pressed the Home button. Thank goodness they autosaved to drafts. Saved my efforts. Did happen before back i dunno when and i was like hopping mad. Hmmm.... Just me. Plain clumsy.

Anyway, something new attracted me on facebook. New game lor what else? Still on Restaurant City as ever but had abandoned it for a bit because of the new game. Rock Riot! Ah man.. Hamimah stoppit please.

I think i will go for now.. Will update you again on whatever i want to update if there is or else i'll just crap away and be Minah Jenin of the century. Ok bye!

HaMie!

Why am i resisting the burning desire inside?

Bunga Telor

2009-11-29T02:24:00.005+08:00

Hey i'm back. After 4 days. :D

I'm feeling rather sick but my temperature is not showing and my throat is so itchy with sore throat. My nose keep on dripping at times - i hope you know what i mean. Ain't a happy news i must say because i've been wanting this so badly a couple of months ago just so that i could find a reason to skip school. Apparently i want more MCs despite my 1 week MC from influenza-like illness in September or when i forgot but it's a few weeks before prelims i guess. Who wants to go to school man. Get a grip. Pain in the neck -that's what school is all about. And then it's the loooong holidays now and i'm sick at the point where i think i need most energy to ask for job and get started immediately which is ALSO, another big fat problem i'm having at this point in my life right now.

I hate it very much when i get stuck in this kind of situations. It's very true - not it's true after all or i think it's quite true - that i lack self-esteem. Go out there and get ya mouth moving Hamimah! Damn irritating man. Stop shutting up your mouth can? Kay stoppit.

Moving on. Friday was Hari Raya Haji. :) The bunga telor is ready already. Cheerioz! Haha i'm so getting married. No la just joking. The bunga telor is for my cousin who's getting married this weekend which means today. :) Hope she have a long-lasting marriage. :) And oh, for those who don't know what bunga telor is, well bunga is flower and telor is egg. Go figure. I'm bad at explaining. Here's the pic though.

Beautiful or what? I helped out putting the eggs which is coloured red - so sexy. I want orange for my one. Haha. That'll be in 5 to 6 - 10 years time. Hahahaha. Haiz....just need Mr Absolutely-Perfect-in-my-eyes. That would be a hundred thousand years and eons to go. But there's one actually. Which is totally none of your business. Let's just hope - ahakz!

Hmm...i think i should blame myself for this not feeling well. Been on a lot of ice cream and sweets and sweet drinks and chocolates these past few days. I'm not stressed frankly right? Ergh wth. And oh yeah i got an expired Nescafe tin can on my table and a lot of dump and clutter everywhere at my corner in my house. Ants are making visits on my table and i totally don't know why. Apart from the only one sour sweet on my table which i see no ants surrounding it and the boxes of mints i've finished up, i don't see why ants should be on my table. I'm quite particular about this since i hate insects but you see...i'm not doing anything about it. Ever since i came from school on Monday, i just dump my bag near my table and not caring much. Just took out whatever i want and need and when it's not wanted or needed anymore, i'll just dump it on the pile with my schoolbag where underneath it lies my exams notes. What an emo and depressed kiddo. But then again, why am i stressed? I do not understand.

Maybe because of the fact that i know i will fail my GP? Nothing less nothing more. I am POSITIVELY SURE that i will fail my GP. No arguments. But of course, i will always pray to God that i will get 5 credits including GP. Haiz... Cut it out.

I have to go to sleep y'know. Cause i'm going out later all the way to the east side of Singapore and meet my cousin who gave me that devilish-sweet smile the moment she stepped into my grandmother's house and saw me inside on Friday. Hahah. Makes waking up all the more worthwhile. But i have to wait for my Tikka Masala Kabobs to be ready first in Cafe World.

Okay. Bye!

HaMie!

After what seems like years, i still can't get over that person.

Etched in my mind forever and always.

Fireflies i hearing

2009-11-24T03:46:00.004+08:00

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on

When everything is wrong we move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

~Move Along All-American Rejects~

Look at the hotcakes. Had it after chem paper 2 last Tuesday. Think this was my first hotcake of the year. Haha. Logical in a sense that i always wake up in the afternoon. Proof? Look at the time i posted this. It's a 24-hour clock by the way in case you don't know.

Ooh my dada feels so lapang. A levels is over! I feel so freed like a bird, not locked up in a cage just like Hedwig when Harry was not going to send any letters. What bullshit crap am i talking?? *Slap my face*

Thought of the day: Have you ever felt pai sey (whatever way it is spelt)?
Well i do. But on second thought everybody does. Like duhh.. Wait wait wait i'm not done. I feel pai sey at a global level. Why? Because as i read through some of the posts i posted up, i was thinking, what the hell was i thinking? Do you all understand? Maybe you don't. I'm just psycho.

Anyways, my head is really giddy. My head feels like it's moving round and round but the problem is my head is not moving. I really need sleep. I hope i won't come online tomorrow. Because we must keep addiction at bay. ??

By the way, Move Along is quite a not new song but it's very very captivating. I should have posted the lyrics during or before the A's to blow my spirits up. So now what's that lyrics for? It's for you to find out. I will only keep it a secret. Shh.

Alrighteez.. That's about it.
Blow wind blow......blow Hamimah to the bed......Zzzzzzzzzzzz.................

HaMie!

Needing you needing you not?

The End right before my eyes.

2009-11-22T02:33:00.002+08:00

Hey ay world... It's me again. I'm blogging too much nowadays. But i'll still continue, to kill boredom and for the pleasure of my fingers. Bad thing though, cuz now you will know even more about me and that's freaking scary. Preferably i don't mind if my close friends read this but it's open to the whole world. Hmm.. Just have to learn how to keep some things i guess. And seriously, i hate posting up emo posts like the one before this. But what to do? I am. An emo kid. Without the eyeliner? Long fringe? Let's make the fringe straight. Ermm.. Black clothes? Forget it.

I freaking hate this dig-into-the-ear earpiece. So itchy. But good audio. Haiz...

There's something important i have to tell. Haha.
Haiz.. My blog's officially one year old. First post started with a hello and no title.
To be exact, this blog was first launched on the 20th of November 2008. So now it would have been 1 year and 2 days old. Happy belated birthday blog. :)
So lame..

I've come so far.. Verry far. One year pass by like a swish of the wand. Heh.
Been reading lately. I'm a bit outdated cause i'm still stuck at Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Only a quarter through the book. Actually i finished half of it and then i stop because of J2. Now i continue from the start cuz i have no reminiscence of the story and keep confusing the beginning with Goblet of Fire. Ya pathetic i know. I have Half-Blood Prince. Totally mine. Someone gave it to me. Order of the Phoenix was Kelly's one and oh Goblet of Fire. Think i borrowed both books for over a year already. Oopsy.. I promise i will give it back as soon as i have finished reading it. Hmm.. Deathly Hallows...i'll find a way to get it..borrow library, buy?? I don't want to borrow from people. Don't like to trouble others. I feel like a pain in the neck sometimes.

After tomorrow, i'm freed. Like TOTALLY. Almost maybe? I might be wearing those uniform again if law is what i really want. Got lotsa plans after tomorrow and i fear i might have no time to pursue my 2-year abandoned hobby that is reading reading and reading. One thing high up on the list is definitely cleaning up my room. Clutter everywhere. On the floor too. And the cupboards are full. Time to throw sec 4 stuffs. Can't believe i haven't thrown them away. I also want to.......i won't tell you la....it's something my mother would least expect from me?? Other than that, work is another thing very very high up on the list. I need MONEY to feed on my materialistic needs. Oh and i wanna do my hair. Get it properly done and neat at least. Don't think i'm gonna dye or highlight my hair. I just love this dark black colour. Maybe extensions on the fringe. One strip of pink or whatever. Haha. And then once i have even more money, i want to take on music lessons and i'm so damn curious what the synthesizers do so maybe i will buy it and make some music making real big time. It's been my dreams. Some more what some more what? I'm grinning so widely at the thought of all this. There's so much things i'm gonna do. And i'm dreaming of a red electric guitar even though i don't even know how to play the acoustic guitar. And books books books! I'm so fond of papers and fiction. Thinking of buying the Harry Potter series and the Twilight series. Haha cool cool. And oh yeah movies, VCDs, music albums. Damn cool... I have to get my hands on Classiq! Haiz..enough of this i guess.

But there's also one thing i don't look forward to. The people i met in this 2 year journey. Amazing and fun. All the jokes, random shitz from me, snort, *art, *urp. Damn funny la. All sorts of sounds coming out. Embarassing big time man.. Plus the game of not talking to each other.. Most funniest.. We look like mad people doing hand signs. And i just had to get away to the toilet so that my throat won't choke for not talking. Haha. So gonna miss everybody. Every single person who made this journey less painful. Don't think you're not included. You ARE INCLUDED. Maybe because of the fact that you read my blog? Haha. There's a lot to mention and i love everyone of you. The last few months was the best. Good luck to all my friends taking A levels next year too. Haha. Gambate!

Guess i'll be hanging out after chem paper tomorrow. Yay. Dunno where we're going though. With Fati and Rachel. For the last time. I hope not. Wish i could meet with Wea and Aisyah tomorrow too.. To see their faces and say buh bye. Eh.. What's wrong with me man? Like gonna die like that. Hahah. Will miss you all la.

I'm just gonna get myself totally busy after this so that i won't think of anybody and miss them too much until i couldn't get any work done. Haiz...

By the way, i think Privileged is worth watching. Looking forward to every episode. I'm so going off track right?

Right. That's all from me today? Guess so. Is this a long post? I guess it is. Bye. Talk ta yall soon. Cheerioz!

HaMie!

How do we convey it?

Nowhere

2009-11-21T04:27:00.002+08:00

A thought that haven't crossed my mind for 2 years passed by again.
I just feel like i'm at a totally losing end.
The thought of having to really work so hard to get through is frightening me.
I always have a positive view about life ever since those shitz.
That that kind of things are bound to happen.
And that you just have to hold on really tight and then finally pulling through it.
But it's an undeniable fact that when it comes back again
All things negative will dominate.
To the point that every learning point you had before just diminish.
And fear dominates everything.

Frankly speaking
I don't think i did well for my A levels.
And i'm so bloody scared.
Is it too late to realise that i really want this?
I can't do anything now other than letting these stoopid dumb tears roll down my cheeks.
It's not that i did not study.
I did.
But things always happen when you study.
When the question gets so hard to do
And you feel like thowing the book out of the window
And stop doing anything else
And rot.
And the stoopid exam results never fail to show that you had failed.
It's so effing demoralising.
My life now depends on that stoopid slip i'm gonna get next year.

The idea of pursuing my passion looks like a hopeless thing now.
And the only hope just shattered.

Hams.

Trying to make the best out of everything i could get my hands on.

Happy perhaps??

2009-11-19T02:41:00.003+08:00

Hey world, I'm back. :D
And i'm feeling....I dunno. Happy perhaps? :DDDD
Cause now it's 9 down just ONE more to go? I'm smiling even more widely now. Haha. :)

Anyways, before i continue with my talk talk today, i thought this song is damn cute and funny.
Take a listen.

I'm so sexy in my heels...
Uh? No i don't wear heels. Gotta admit this song is getting to my head. Damn addictive. I don't know what's with the odd part at the beginning, but at least the full song's heard. First heard it on Trace, Mio Tv and kind of fall in love with this song straight away. And my head was like nodding sideways left right left right left left right right left left right right.. So sexay...

Hahah. I'm lost for words. Gotta admit i'm feeling a bit empty these past few days. And the wrong people seems to always want to entertain me. Which is not right and spoiling. Sigh...just when i thought that i'm finally alone, far away physically and communicatively. ?? Beep! The phone rings and my face automatically change. This person just won't stop. Good thing cause it shows that this person got perseverance. Claps. If only it could be applied to something else. But wth, at least my exam's almost over.

I did something weird today. I studied. Did multiple-choice questions from '08 paper and some questions from TYS. Weirdy weirdy weirdy me. Hmph. Actually i got nothing better to do that's why i did that. Can't imagine life after As. What will i do if i get bored like just now?? All i ever did these past few days was tv mainly cartoon, shows on how to count 1 eights, 3 eights... how to get different shades of pink by mixing different ratios of red and white... and oh i learn Chinese! Ni zai nar? Wo zai zher! Where are you? I am here! Hahah. It was a Japanese kindergarten show i was watching on Mio Tv this afternoon with English subtitles. I was contemplating between this and another show on videos showing people doing stuffs that can make them die but survived like damn i dunno how to explain but it's really really good. But still, i chose the kindergarten show. Hahahahhaha. But Trace's my favourite channel on Mio Tv. I was dancing to every upbeat songs like the song above. And a lot of other better songs. I'm hearing the heels song now. Oh no my shoulders are moving so badly. Hahahahahaahaha! I'mm so sexay in my heels...so sexay in my heels.... NO! I don't have heels. Yes i do have actually but not so long like hers.

So what else what else what else? Oh bam it's 3.30 and my mission for using the laptop is still not done yet. Suppose to study chem. Find out the solution for some of the questions i dunno how to do. 19 questions to be exact. 21 correct. So nerd.

Alright. Bye world for now. Love you all! I'll be back soon. ;)
I'm so sexy in my heels....so sexy in my heels...
Shh.

HaMie!

I hope it has dawn to you now.

DND

Talk fast.

2009-11-16T15:33:00.003+08:00

Frankly i still have no mood to blog today but i just got some thoughts in mind.

The last straw, could i ever possibly make it if i have always fail it all the way since day one?
Second, isn't it obvious enough? Hate it whenever that name appears in my inbox.
Third, I love Peninsula Shopping Centre. Especially when i'm the last customer.
Fourth, Bugis Street is so making my head spin.
Fifth, everything is so tofu today. So weak.
Huh?

Chem's tomorrow. Anybody wanna volunteer take the paper for me? I haven't studied a word because - i feel so demoralised by my past results. Never passed at all at least for J2 la. They should have just retained me last year and i could just have left JC and then join my bro in NP or whatever. And be successful. DAMN ME. Stoopid stoopid stoopid me - go JC for what? So now i'm going to be the sampah masyarakat (my bro clearly states that he do not like sampah masyarakat people) cuz i will fail my A level. And my bro's GPA is 3.52

Sampah is litter or rubbish. Masyarakat is society. Rubbish of the society. Go figure.

I'm demoralising myself even more.

And why is my cat meowing? I'm here!

K bye.

N.O. M.O.O.D.

2009-11-15T03:12:00.003+08:00

Hey world.. I'm back.

The week is over. Like finally. At least a large portion of the A Levels is over.

Right. I can't focus on blogging right now. Can i get back to you later?

5am. I'm back. Sheesh.
You know what? I'm not in the mood to blog today. I'm not having the right emotions to say what i want to say that is mainly about the hell week i managed to pull through.
There's nothing wrong with me except for some things. Let's not talk about it though. I'm alright and i'm totally fine. Never felt any better than this before. Can't wait for exams to be over. 2 more Chem papers and the end in 9 days. Can't wait can't wait. Gotta admit i'm pretty worried for chem cuz i don't think i did well enough for paper 3. Didn't study much for it too. I was focusing on History which is in the afternoon. It's the ONLY paper for history also.

I'll just leave you behind with 3 good (at least to me) music.

Sleeq - Tanya Nama :)

Chipmunk - Oopsy Daisy

Siti Nurhaliza - Ku Percaya Ada Cinta

Have a nice day! ;)

HaMie!

Immense pain for 15 minutes

It's always about school.

2009-11-07T00:33:00.006+08:00

Hey world...i'm back and i'm feeling horrendously tired. And just for fun, misteri jam dua belas is ringing in my earpiece right now but my earpiece is not in my ears.. terlalu lemah semangat.. which means to say i'm weak-hearted. Misteri jam dua belas directly means Mystery at 12 Midnight. It's on Ria 89.7 on every weekdays from 12 midnight to 2am..telling personal spooky experiences from listeners.. I want to hear but i can't because it always affects me in the end.. Haha.. And i just changed channel. 98.7FM now.. Better... I used to be love drunk...

Anyways, it's been 5 days. How are you all? Ahaha. I'm doing fine. Studying 10 hours everyday in school from 11am to 9pm. Night study in school cause i can't study at home..haiz.. My head is full but my stomach is not full.. hahaha. Actually my head is not that full and i got a deep dark secret to tell you. But maybe i should not as it may affect my performance in the exams. Haiz...

I'm really hungry now.. haven't really had my dinner. And school food never fail to make me feel like shitting. AH. And when i feel like shitting, my work efficiency will decrease.

Good news for this week. I got 4 marks for my GP AQ. Yay. 4 marks out of 8. It's good cause usually i will get 1 or 2 marks on an average and this is the first time i got 4 marks. Progress kepe.. But cannot so happy. But i can't help it. So i'll tell you more. My sastera essays quality are also getting better. Did 3 essays and got 15, 15 and 16 out of 20 marks each. Hahahah. But that's all i manage to do. 3 essays in 3 hours plus a really little bit of cheating and it's suppose to be 5 essays in 3 hours NO CHEATING. Argh bad time management. Cikgu told me to psycho myself during the exam on Tuesday. She told me to tell myself that i can do 5 good and complete essays in that 3 hours and think nothing else other than that. Insyallah i can make it. Really hope i can make it cause if i get 15 marks for all the 5 essays, it's an A for sastera and hopefully an overall A for the subject. :)

And then other subjects leh? Oh God!

Going Jurong East library tomorrow to study. Hmm i better sleep early to maximise my studying time.. Adios you all!

HaMie!

I miss you so so much

And i wonder why some people are distancing themselves from me

Blurp blurp blurp.. exams... i'm dRowning...

2009-11-01T05:37:00.004+08:00

I'm back.
Cause i feel like blogging.
Know what?
I'm superr anxious right now.
Malay paper tomorrow.
Last bite.
Bite?
Whatever.
Ahhh!!!!
I'm freaking out! I'm freaking out! I'm freaking out!

Btw, finished all my school chores related to the virtual world already.
Like finally.
I hope i won't have to do this tedious stuff again. Whatever tedious means.

A bit more about the A levels for you all. Whoever is reading.
Starts officially tomorrow for the mother tongue papers.
After that no papers at all until the 9th of November.
One week gap.

MY Exam Schedule:
2nd Nov Malay paper 1 (language) TOMORROW!!
10th Nov Malay paper 2 (lit) AND Maths paper 1
11th Nov GP
12th Nov Chem paper 3 AND History
13th Nov Maths paper 2
17th Nov Chem paper 2
23rd Nov Chem paper 1

Packed or not packed? I say pac man.
Ergh. It's packed for goodness sake. And the big gaps for chem paper 2 and 3 are horrendous. Why can't they change chem paper 1 for history. I need more time for history.
But wth. Do or die.

And fyi, a few weeks ago i had a vision that i'm gonna retain J2. Choi ah! Cannot la!
Later must do practical all over again? Pui pui pui! I hate practical!

Anyways, we still have to look on the brightside.

LIBERTY AS OF

23RD OF NOVEMBER, 3PM!!!

Hams.

Shalababoomz!

2009-11-01T03:00:00.002+08:00

Stoopid blogger. I almost thought somebody hacked my account. They couldn't identify me. Wth. Fine la. Forgettable figure what..

So i'm back. Haloo..
I thought of blogging first before i do my school work that is checking solutions and printing solutions when it just gets too much. And thus, i'll be making a lot of noise. 3am. Printer churning and i'm gonna wake the whole house up.

So what's up today? As in yesterday? Well, i was a bit upset in the afternoon because nobody seems to understand it when i get mad. Well because i feel so depressed and deprived. I need the com or in this case a laptop from one of my bros to do school stuffs and get solutions. Stay connected with friends, express out my dumb feelings like what i'm doing right now, enjoy and MORE. But the freaking problem is i do not have a personal one. Both bros have a personal one (mark that!) and i hate the fact that i have to like practically plead to borrow or i will have to wait until they are not home and i use it or use it in the wee hours of the morning like right now. And even if i were to work after the As, i will need time to collect the 1000 bucks for my own personal lappy and that will take months cuz i also need money for other stuffs. And another prob is i can't print everytime for my solutions cause the ink will finish and it cost a bomb. At least to me. I can do better stuffs with the money like yada yada yada. I haven't paid a part for the printer. Bro paid the whole thing when we bought it a few weeks ago at IMM and he bought another ink cartridge. And after this, when As end, i'll be expected to work and then i will have to pay for all the coming refills. I'm so not looking forward to a big hole in my pocket. Hari Raya collection this year was also super sucky. Less than half of a hundred. How pathetic. I'm planning not to touch it until next year's hari raya and i hope it will go on until the another year's raya and another and another and another and so on. Ergh.

My life is so not fair.

Why do i always have to be the one putting in so much effort getting what i want and everybody else gets it by the snap of the fingers without effort? So so not fair.

And why am i getting dumber and dumber everyday? And my memory is getting shorter and shorter everyday too. Tsk. I just knew i shouldn't have hit my head on the wall too much when i was younger. But i was a kid. You can't blame me. It looked fun on tv hitting the head. Haha.

Ermm what else do i want to say? Oh YA!

MONDAY MARKS THE OFFICIAL START OF THE 'A' LEVELS!

MALAY PAPER 1 COMING UP!! :)

Oh no.

Birthday Gurl and Boy

2009-10-26T10:20:00.003+08:00

Done.
The 6th skin. It's been calling for me for weeks. Begging me to change skin.
So there you have it. I lovee the rose. But i still like my first blogskin. Irreplaceable. But no title. Sad.

Anyways, i've been in a bad mood swing nowadays. So i hope you would understand if i get angry or crazy all of a sudden. Or if my blog posts are alternatingly emotional and angry. Whatever that means. But seriously i've been pissed off a lot these past few days. Won't talk about it.

Anyways, today's Fati and Bro's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Fati's 18 and bro's 17.
Loving both of ya loads.

Think i gotta go now. Going to go to school. Just so that i can be more disciplined. And find lobangs too. My lobangs here means consultations with teachers. Shyt shyt shyt. Really need to make math and chem consultation. They know i need it but apparently i deny that i need it. But still, i will go. To satisfy? Hope not. Cuz i really really don't know some stuffs and i got 2 weeks left except for malay paper 1 on next Monday and which i am not looking forward too and which i'm gonna be doomed if i don't make at least a consultation with cikgu. And i am the weakest link.

So that's all from me for now.
Will be back soon.
Ciaoz.

HaMie!

Please do not.

Crabby's Patties

2009-10-21T13:47:00.002+08:00

Something's really not right with me these past few weeks.
And i really really hope that some people whom i can't deny that i love them a lot more than anyone else would read this
Though i'm not too sure if they still remember the url
I am forgettable that's all and that's why

I just prove to be a very good secret keeper these past few weeks especially with regards to my problems and my feelings of stress, depression, frustration, anxiety and whatnots.
I am so sorry.
To those who are mostly around me for most of the time, you know that i ain't myself these past few weeks.
To those who sees me occasionally, on and off, time to time, i am such a happy freako who looks almost problemless.
But this is what you have to know

I try to keep up a happy face
Cause i don't wanna be sad again especially after My April Crisis.
I try to be okay cause i know that MAC haven't ended.
And now that it seems almost entirely over,
I feel so lonely

It seems that any form of diary is the best way for me to let out anything without speaking.
And therefore, right here, in my online diary, is where you can get to know anything that is totally wrong with me.
And right now is the time where i know i should just let out.

Yesterday was the last straw i would take from myself
And after this, i'm not going to ever forgive myself if i ever make the same stupid mistake again.
It hurts me to hurt myself and it hurts even more to hurt anyone i love so much.
I never meant to let those words come out from my mouth.
Indeed, words are very powerful.
How would i know right?
But i know that i have to say this face-to-face and get it cleared and my guilt off myself.

Studies and exams are horrendous
And my results never fail to tell me that I Failed.
I wish i could just stop here.
Right at where i am at the edge of breaking free.
Why..

What would happen next year
I totally do not know

I feel weak inside...
And i feel like flooding my whole room right now
With water from my eyes

And so i sit down and Meditate..

2009-10-19T17:40:00.006+08:00

Hey world..Me is back..

And i think i feel much better now.. Angry and temperamental and moody is always there but maybe less fed-up except for once in a while. Apparently weekend had been quite good. Sunday i mean. All thanks to

and the 'Confidence Booster' book which my bro borrowed from his friend. I managed to take it quietly and peek into the book. Useful stuffs at the intro and the first chapter. :) I used to read these kind of books a lot some time back like a few years ago. But now i seemed to have lost the confidence that i gained last time from the Chicken Soup books and lots more. So now, i'm trying to regain it back again to pull my spirits up for the 'A's. I borrowed the Overcoming Anxiety for Dummies book at Jurong East Library on Friday and 1 other book for History because i happened to found it. Hopefully i will read when i have the time and gain better understanding of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

So my life's planned out for this coming 3 weeks. Gambate!

Managed to finish 5 sastera essays but exceeded the 3 hours timing. Only managed to finish 3 full essays and 1 paragraph in 3 hours. Bad sign, need to work even harder. Finished 2 compre for GP remedial tomorrow. (HahA. I'm back in GP remedial!) Finished the MJC paper including AQ and SQ at the time required whereas i think i exceeded the timing for CJC paper. Tsk tsk. Finished 1 Bahasa paper also. Not sure if i exceeded the time but even if i did, i think it's about by a few minutes. Okay i guess. So that's my achievement since Saturday night till noon today.

And today i woke up early at last. 9 plus. Weird but/and my mum would be happy to know this. Instead of scolding me: Anak dare bangon lambat! But i woke up early only because I can't sleep back again thinking of the work and mugging i have to do. Haha.

And oh, btw i was right when i said that all those self-scolding would affect me. The Overcoming Anxiety book told me that. So ya. Have to stop scolding myself and be happy and just - GAMBATE!
And from the Confidence Booster book on the other hand, i found out that i self-doubt myself which is equated as confidence-trust=self-doubt. I think. I hope i didn't get it wrong.

Anyways, i really hope nothing would stop me now. Need to go all the way.

Ciaoz.

HaMie!

Colour My Life

I hate this.

2009-10-17T19:58:00.002+08:00

I am fed-up over everything right now.
My life is going like shit.
And i'm emo-ing everyday.
And i hate home.
I only want to think one way right now.
Stop deviating me with the other 3 ways.
It's affecting me.
Little things affects me.
Even if you're asking me the deviating question while i'm walking from one room to another room.
Not studying.
Everything's frustrating me now.
Nowhere seems to work.
How can i ever can this studying thing done?
I need money also.
Grrrr....

Conclusion

2009-10-15T18:13:00.003+08:00

Farewell party is tomorrow..
Finally, last day of school.
Sad or happy?
Wo pu ci tau. (Sorry i donno how to spell..)
I dunno.

Happy is of course.
Cuz there's no need to go through the vicious cycle of sleeping late, getting tired in school and results still suck.
My fault. Whatever.

Sad is heartless if i don't.
But i do not want to express it.
I hate missing people.
It burns my heart.
I couldn't live for days when i miss someone.
Thus, i always avoid, in every way possible to not miss anyone.
Do i sound heartless?

2 years has passed.
So fast.
Surprises.
Laughter.
Lameness.
Going crazy.
Crying.
Great friends i met.
A lot and so i won't mention it.
But maybe the few whom i had been quite close to.
Fati, Ray, San, KN, Wea, Ais, Stsy, Yj and a lot lot more..
Thanks a lot for being there for me all the time.
Helping me pull through March and April...
Notes on lecture notes, post-its which i keep in my organiser etc.
08S09, OG22 (if ever anyone remember me)..
Band matees too though i'm not so enthu bout band.. Uh oh. Haha

So it's the Last Day...
And after that the future is in my hands.
I'm gonna be all alone...
Bye world.

I am a Confused Emo Shit

2009-10-11T01:57:00.003+08:00

Little things makes me happy
It's the thought that counts
Even if you don't show it
But i know you are always there and viewing me
On my blog or profile in facebook, friendster, tagged or whatever.
Suddenly i feel very jiwang
Any idea why?
Hmm
I'm supposed to be angry at my own bloody stoopidity right now.

Left my thumbdrive in the school library
W
O
W
Private and confidential things inside
Double
W
O
W
Hope the teacher librarians have it.
Can't bear it if people unravel my secrets there.
In the first place why did i ever mix school stuffs and personal stuffs in that bloody thumbdrive???
I hate myself.
For being forgetful.

Anyways, my point is, i keep track of my viewing rate.
It's a wonder how i have so many views.
At least to me.
But do these people know me?
Why you all keep viewing my blog ah?
What's so fun about my blog? Argh.
And i'm still devastated over the - hopefully temporary - lost of my thumbdrive.
DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB

Feel so empty without my thumbdrive
I WILL NEVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF IF I LOSE MY THUMBDRIVE.
MY LIFE AND HEARTBEAT IS INSIDE.

Anyway, my prelim results.
I decided to smile above the occasion. Huh?

GP U
History S
Malay D
Maths U
Chemistry U

U and S is fail in case you don't know, friends. In the JC system the grades are like these: A, B, C, D, E, S and U. S is sub-pass but still considered fail - what a dumb term. U is ungraded just like PSLE *winks*. A is ace. B is brilliant. C is clever. D is dumb bell. E is extraordinary. And i got dumb bell, sub-pass, and ungraded. :)

Ergh. What's wrong with me.
Well, i just need to keep the X-factor up. Stop demoralising myself like in the previous paragraph. And believe that

"When you're down to Nothing, God is always up to Something."

There are always better things at the end of the road.
But we can't just rely on our fate.
We can make things change and make our fate change for the better.

Try.

That's all that matters.
Everybody is always around to help.
It's your problem, Hamie. Bloody egocentric.
Somehow i feel good cursing myself.
Where the hell did i learn it from? Gonna kill the source.
I just felt that no matter how much i like cursing myself, i believe that it would leave a psychological effect on myself. Am i not true? I may not realise it cause i like it. And therefore, that might be the bulk of my failure. Calling myself stoopid everytime. Am i not right, world? Just think about it? It could be right.
I AM A BLOODY HELL OF A HARD CORE LOSER. I like. :)

The Sky is the Limit.
Everyone has potential... It is an infinite resource that cannot be exhausted, but can be lost in the clouds of fear and complacency. It may take courage to embrace the possibilities of your own potential, but once you have flown past the summit of your fears, Nothing will seem Impossible.

GO FOR IT HAMIMAH!

Woops! One more thing.
I know this is kind of late.
But it's the thought that counts.
Just like you people viewing my blog and not tagging which i don't give a damn about.
But you know i do. NO I DON'T!
Anyways, Teachers' Day tribute.
To my History teacher:
I think she's the nicest teacher ever in my JC life. Though i keep on failing the subject and stuffs, she never stops to tell us to consult and even at this time, when it's like the end, she's so calm. And as i was reading the History notes uploaded in the school portal, i could just hear her voice talking calmly and cheerfully and matter-of-factly in my ears. Cuz as far i know, i can feel that she is not that eager to come for my H1 class tutorials. But that's just my opinion. I don't know how to explain it but maybe i could have been better if i had been more proactive. She's a good teacher and one that i could say motivating. I just hope i could ace History in the 'A' levels as well as other subjects too just so that i could convince her and people that there is hope in me and that i can do it. And that i am still Hamimah. The girl who never gives up and never let anybody down.

Cheers,
HaMie!

P.S. I skipped my asthmatic appointment just now, as in yesterday. Too lazy to get my butt to the polyclinic. Haiz.. notti notti. Haha.
P.P.S. And damn, i haven't revised anything yesterday. Bloody id - stoppit.

whirlwind

2009-10-04T04:05:00.002+08:00

I have never ever felt as stress as this before
To the point that i don't feel like doing anything at all.
Especially when it's heavily related to studies.
God.

I'm suffering inside.
I will not miss a day with no tears flowing down my cheeks.
Prelims hit me so bad.
Yes, i know i'm not alone.
But this had never happened to me before.
Prelims is always the moment where i will progress in my studies.
And to still stick to my sucky results this prelims hit me so so bad.
I'm not even sure whether i will get decent results for 'A's.
As for now, i can't even see a glimpse of the University.

This anxiety is just too much for me to hold myself together.
I could just feel blood rushing fast in my veins.
And gushing into my heart.
And when i think of the fact that there is only less than a month left,
is Horrifying.

I feel so cold.
And i just want to sit hunched up in a corner.
Just crying.

Sitting through GP is tough, wondering whether i will ever make it.
Sitting through Maths is like it's so easy but what had gone wrong?
Sitting through Chem is like i know that but why?
Sitting through Malay is like why had i not been very careful and focused?
Sitting through History is like why why why?

There's nothing you see in this ignorant student.
She doesn't care, does she?
It's all up to her.
But just try.
Read her mind.
But only God knows how Crazy it feels inside.
How devastated this heart is.
How this mind is in a whirlwind.

She's taking it slow.
And she worries whether it's too slow.
Cause everybody's moving forward.
And she's falling back.
Behind.
And getting further.
And even further.

It helps when a friend is in the same situation as you
And calls up even when she herself is in the same situation as you.
I wonder where she get her strength from.
Thanks for the morning call yesterday.
Loves.

S.O.S.

Defeated

2009-10-01T23:08:00.005+08:00

Hey world
I'm feeling sucky
Thought of not posting anything at all for 2 whole months until bloody 'A's are over
Which is on the 23rd of November, 3pm.
But as proven from this 102nd post
I have failed to stick to my 2 months 'Policy of Isolation'
I want to disappear for a while
Like 'Give me a break man' kind of thing.
Man i'm sucking a lot of air now
Never expected this Asam Pedas to be so pedas (spicy)
Watched Phobia 2 today
Love the last story.
Ease off all the tension from the first 4 stories. Hilarious. Getting scared and laughing at the same time.
Got so tired after that
And slept for the last 20 mins of the drama 'Farah Syakira' on Suria.
There's a new hottie, that's why i watch
Or else i don't
At least until i get this bloody 'A's over and done with.
Prelim results.
What the fcuk.
THREE Ungraded subjects
Namely: Maths, GP (english) and Chem.
Wow.
Literature part of Malay - FAIL.
And oh, lowest in class.
Like i fcuking care anymore.
Dumbly, i got so devastated after i got GP results and had to go to the toilet to cry
Gembeng. Cry baby.
So much of saying that i'm prepared to see Fail.
Damn hell of a loser.
Tomolo. History.
All my harapan dah hancur. (All my hopes are destroyed)
I would be happy if i get an 'S' for that subject.
Please not a 'U' this time.
Don't know when i'm gonna know the rest of my Malay results.
Hoping to get a 'D' minimum.
But i'm always gonna expect a 'U'.
Because it happened during Common Test.
Surprisingly.
So what? I predict this is how my Prelims result slip will look like:

General Paper U
History U
Math U
Chemistry U
Malay D

This is the best result slip on Earth
Why?
Because my results are smiling at me. U
And smiling is a good thing.
It requires lesser muscles to smile than to frown.
Watever.

This time is gonna be different.
It's not like PSLE or 'O' levels where everything is so 'Gemilang' when i got my results.
*gemilang should mean happy
Have to work on plan B right after 'A's
Last thing i would ever want is going to Poly after 'A's.
That's that. Plan C: Poly after 'A's
Plan B should be LaSalle. But i need a large time frame for that.
Portfolio and stuffs.
2 years of my life: Waste

This was my emo moment on Wednesday afternoon.

Cool

I love looking at this. And the sound of the sea.
For a moment i just felt like jumping into the sea.
And wash off all my worries.

Yeah so that's Wednesday afternoon
After school
Alone
West Coast Park
Emo shit.

And 2 idiots in the bus to West Coast Park woke me up from my sleep by playing this song so loudly the whole bus could hear it. And the best part is their stop was my home stop too. All the way from Bukit Panjang to home stop, enduring their nonsense. Thank goodness i was going WCP so i stayed in the bus for 3 more stops.

"Ibu ibu bapak bapak siapa yang punya anak bilang aku. Aku yang sedang malu sama teman-temanku kerna cuma diriku yang TAK LAKU-LAKU."

2 desperate souls. Sighs...

I'm sorry
But i just need to know that i have someone to talk to in the wee hours of the morning
When i feel so depressed

A Battlefield.

2009-09-23T14:18:00.002+08:00

A Levels
Make it or Break it.

Pessimist

2009-09-21T01:58:00.010+08:00

I just feel like talking nonsense and babbling and babbling and babbling right now. I just wanna type and type and type. It's my hobby by the way. So be prepared for a long post. It's best if you don't read on you know. And so i will start.

There's so much in my brain today. Today means yesterday for this post. I don't know why. I don't feel tenteram or at peace. Like uh! my brain is aching so much like wanting to let something GO! Don't know why this came about. Maybe because i didn't get to see my cousin whom i will always meet at my grandmother's house every hari raya without fail. And just now, not seeing her is not betol, just not right. Had to move on to another house before they could come. Usually my family would stay in my grandmother's house till 1/4 of the day. So making it short, we meet almost everybody who comes. Today was like 1/8 of the day. So not right. And reached home at 5.30pm. Beat that dude. Sigh...

Collection was not bad too dude. Huh. Whatever la. Can't blame anybody. Everything happens for a reason. Hope everything will be fine again. Hmmm..

I hope i could be around when my cousin comes around my house, hopefully soon! Not that i won't be at home, it's just that the education system is demanding too much from me and the rest of the students in the world.

You're right dude. I'm damn stressed. I fcuking took 3 hours to do 1 standard integration question just now. It happens that the solution is in my tutorial and it's so damn not so difficult. Didn't make full use of the 'hence' word apparently. So pissed. Not even application yet. Moved on to question 2 and i got the answer WRONG! Ergh. Closed my TYS, the 2 files of notes, flipped back the MF15 to the first page, closed my mini formula notebook, close the GC, arrange them in order of size - biggest bottom smallest on top - and chuck them in my room and go back to the kitchen and eat dinner at 11.30pm while watching Duyung. #&$*?@# Can i just swear directly instead of arranging this symbols which i can't seem to get it right?

Still suck at differentiation. The whole page is highlighted with pink indicating that i couldn't get the answer. Dumb things maths like to curse onto people. Still haven't gone through complex numbers, sequences and series which are an on-and-off for me. Forgoing Differential Equations again. Vectors should be ok. Only that this stoopid brain of mine keep forgetting the method. Dumb. Chem again on Thurs. GONER! Will be disappointing Ms Chua again this time. Hopefully that will be the only subject i fail. I'm putting high hopes on you History! Ok shit. I forgot about GP. The paper was damn tough. So how? Ah! No hope la! All U la.

Alright. Happy stuffs now ok? As predicted by akyks/adik kau yang kau sayang/ direct translation - your bro that you love (check out my tagboard), the next post is gonna be about the new theme on MF (Mozilla Firefox). The retarded part was because i keep emphasising to him that i'm retarded and i even tell it here right? And YES! He's right. The theme really makes mozilla look very nice you know. A bone for the scroller, black and dark with orange. It's a Halloween theme. Motivates me to use mozilla even more since he instructed me to use mozilla if i use his laptop. I like Google Chrome more though because of the bigger view that i get but he wants to use it since he saved all his passwords there. Can i hack one day? Haven't done that before. Hmmmm... But cannot la. Suddenly his 'bapok' friend chat with me on facebook how? Dumb right? Talk for 3 hours on the phone. Musykil to the max. But my brother is 100% NOT bapok. He only mix with the wrong company. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! JUST JOKING!! My bro knows how to choose friends but you know just how guys can sometimes go haywire. Something wrong with the system. Anyway, bapok topics aside, this is how the mozilla looks like:

The back button, forward button, refresh and the other 2 buttons changed to some halloween pics. Had some trouble memorising the function. Why am i even memorising? Dumbass. But the whole thing really looks cool. Especially the scroller. :) All smiles! And also, there are a wider variety of themes on mozilla compared to Google Chrome! HAha. And the idiot refuse to teach me how to snap a pic of the screen. Sell fish.

Anyway, more raya kuihs! This time the pineapple tart was different. Wanted to finish the filling but we ran out of fillings. -_- So I, being as creative as ever, suggested to put blackcurrant jam and it was terrific man..but weird. I make volcano tart too. It's the one called specially customised only for ME. Hihihi.

Bleah.

Perfect.

Unbaked volcano.

Baked!

Beautyfool.

Uh. *roll eyes*

So how? HaMie's secret recipe. Taste? Nice to me. No to my mother since she's disappointed that we used expensive butter but filling no enough. HAha. It reminds me of a pastry too. Haha.

And yeah, made another round of kuih kacang too. And my specially customised kuih only for myself turned out like this -

A Nose apparently.

Haha!

Alright, is that all from me today? Guess so. To those who have pulled through this looooong post, you have won yourself an imaginary trophy from me. Stay tuned for the next looooooong post. Don't read short posts. Or else you will never get the imaginary trophy. Teehee.

Anyway! Tips on how to be emo.
Bam. Can't embed it. YouTube removed it. Roar.
Ah! In this case let's just learn a new word then.

Hope you benefited from it.

Gotta go. Ciaoz!

HaMie!

Feeling weird around you.

24 hours

2009-09-18T02:32:00.004+08:00

You are not alone to me. Been bloghopping and everybody's had had the same problem with blogger. Writing on a white page and unable to upload photo and yeah it's pretty true that FINALLY blogger is ok. I expect there won't be any problems now in the short run at least. (Short run, long run - HISTORY!) Haha.
Been linking and linking to PJ people. And i guess nobody in my class have a blog except me? And oh ya stsy too. Haha. :)

Damn i better get my hands on Classiq. It's damn good. First few seconds of hearing the songs on YouTube and i like. It's a worth it album dude.

Anyway, chem just now. T E R R I B L E. (For me.) Slept at the last 15mins. Couldn't do any questions properly and completely cannot balance my chlorine equation. Think one product is missing and that's why i can't balance it.
As usual. I'm bad at this. Ergh. And there's still a lot to look through. And Maths and Malay Lit on Monday! Next week is packed man. 2 papers on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. Raya week. God!

Anyways, broke my record too. I didn't sleep for 24 hours. Sustained for 24 and a half hours. What a difference. From 2.30pm on Wednesday till 3pm on Thursday that is yesterday. I need to sleep again. Lots of stuff to do tomorrow. Helping my mum for Hari Raya preps. Haiz.. Time to study is damn i-dunno-what-to-say but at least after this we can study and eat at the same time and hopefully the brain can absorb more info.

Oh by the way, thought i was going to go home alone after my paper just now since Fati got lit paper in the afternoon. But then, once i stepped into the train, guess what? I saw KAMRUN! So happy to see her. Been a long time. And it's such a coincidence as the night before i was chatting with Ling Feng and we were both were saying that we are not in contact with Kamrun. Haha. (Been intending to but this forgetful brain of mine is hopeless.) Brought a smile to my face. Funny world. So we were talking and another coincidence is we had the same paper in the morning. Chem paper 3. HAHAHAHA.

Ya so after that, i didn't went straight back home and i was a few blocks away from my block. Dumb bell. Thought of walking around. So yeah, called my mother and headed to Sheng Siong to run some errands. So fun. Shopping alone in school uniform. Crazy psycho woman. Don't you think i have no other better things to do? And i even said to my friends earlier in school that i'm gonna reach home quickly and slam onto my bed. Was even joking that i was gonna take a taxi back home and Ray believed it. Good laugh man. But guess what i did when i reach home? Go online. Facebook, mail, restaurant city, country farm, sleep at 3pm. Damn tired i'm tellin ya. Could feel my whole body just sink into my bed.

HaMie!

Can i make it?

It's Just The Prelims.

2009-09-17T02:56:00.003+08:00

At this point in time, would you say "It's JUST the Prelims?"
Well guess what? Look at the title. I just said so. It's Just The Prelims.

3am. Screwed. Chem's at 8am. My hair is so smelly, dunno why. Had a hair wash at a home salon. (How the hell did i manage to fall into that?) Not that it's bad. Just one of my stoopid choices of the year. Idiotic. Gonna bathe at 4am. Eat, memorise, school. Probably gonna reach home at 11am and i'm so gonna sleep till 6pm.

Gonna screw acid-base, solubility product, chem equilibria and so much more. These things just don't appear as common sense to me. Gonna memorise the whole chunk of organic chem after this. Favourite topic. Better ace this. Notes all done for this topic. Plus point of the year.

Love the video of my friend dancing on facebook. Love the song even more. Crazy stuffs people do.

Out.

HaMie!

Enjoy your day.

Randomomity

2009-09-15T08:17:00.003+08:00

I'm having this new habit of looking at other people's photos on Facebook.
I refuse to sleep.
I just stopped playing Restaurant City so that the addiction won't get absorbed into me.
Need for Speed is damn cool but i'm a loser at it.
Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen is quite cool and different.
Love the If You Seek Amy by Britney in raggae.
Mr. Sy.........
Bloghopping is quite kewl and getting cooler.
I think many people would have known that i have a blog judging from my links links. So scary.
Please do not view my blog. I'm so shy.
I'm terrified for prelims.
Even more for 'A's.
I wanna go to LaSalle but i fear that i won't be allowed to make my dreams come true.
This is the first time that this friend of mine never chat with me when we're both online. Smiles or not?
It's been a looong time since i talked to my friends. Haiz..
I'm a pathetic case.
I'm an idiot.
Bye

HaMie!

Can you meet me halfway?

Still the same old me :)

2009-09-15T04:07:00.008+08:00

Hey world, Hamie got good news. Blogger is as what i'm seeing here, perfectly 100% OK. Haha. Tsk, hamie...hamie..no better thing to do isit?

Anyways, i'm back. And yeah, prelims had started and yesterday was History paper. I really hope i did not screw it. I know how to do at least 3 questions which is what is required and i mean i really know how to do. I've studied and made notes for it BUT - tsk why is there always buts... - I DID NOT MEMORISE HARD FOR IT! Bammit you know! I only memorised hard for 1 esssay that i did and the other 2 i just breeze through it very briefly and it's so sickening. I really know how to do FOR ONCE and this is what have to happen. Haiz. And what makes it worse is that i did not study for source-based at all and i was thinking of banging on my essays and this is what have to happen. Brrrrr.... Haiz..forget it alright? We'll just memorise everything for 'A' levels. Ah!

And as i said before, i hate aircons. You know what the aircons did? They made me have a super bad migraine in the hall when i was doing the paper. The right side of my head was aching big time. Couldn't focus after doing the first question which i took 1 hour to do - bad time management.

Anyways, it's over. Forget it alright?

Moving on, i never thought that i still haven't changed.
Something i received yesterday got me reflecting about myself again and true enough, it's true. Very true. I always thought i've changed. But apparently, no matter how much i've changed physically, attitudely or whatever, the soul inside me is still the same. It reminds me of the times where i know i was obviously like that except more nerdy.

Tsk. You don't get what i'm saying right? Nevermind, it's not for you to know. For me only, HAH.

Anyways, ya, i'm still the old me. And it's a good thing. I always thought i've lost it with so many things that have happened over some couple of years causing me to be grumpy, emo and what-nots.

My soul will always remain the same...

Tsk. Hamie proud ah? Stoppit eh. Huh.

What else do i want to babble about? Hmmmmm... kay let's talk about that day.
Went to break fast with this friend of mine which i have been very very close to once upon a time, at the hawker centre opposite my sec sch. Then went to West Coast Park and West Coast Plaza. Didn't talk much, tension is obviously off. And yeah, i thought i had so much nonsense to bombard that friend of mine but apparently i forgot. Loser. But nvm la, can still bombard on the phone. Nothing more nothing less, that's us. Just hope that friend of mine won't ask me to do stoopid things like calling certain people for that friend of mine. So not macho lor. Huh.

Anyways, been baking kuihs too. So far there's kuih suji, pineapple tarts and kuih kacang. Loveey pineapple tarts A LOT. Favourites! And therefore i made sure i was the one who did everything especially the shaping part. Only beat the butter and shape it. My mother did the kneading (correct word not?), and with my bro they put the filling. :D So happy. Pictures? Of course.

The left one is cooked with my special customised heart, only for MYSELF. Hahah and the uncooked ones on the right. Amacam? How? Hamimah good or not? Hahahahahahahah.

Now for the kuih suji. Also have a cusomised heart only for MYSELF.

On the left is the the cooked (or should i say baked?) one and right is in the oven! HAha. Lame la.

So ya that's about it. Didn't help out for kuih kacang since i was panicking for History. Jeers.

Anyways, i really lovee the beach or more exactly, the sea. A lot. West Coast Park have no sand and thus, on that Friday night, i enjoyed the smell and the sound of the sea.. Bliss.

Quite dark and blurrr but whatever it is, i love it. Wish i could go there more often with someone i love dearly who will hopefully find me, whoever that person will be. Chey.. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Mad woman.

5.30am. Subuh and then sleep and then wake up and study. Must be a good girl.
I think that's all from the blogger.

:D

Retarded.

Kay, selamat berpuase to everybody and an advance Camat Ayi Aye from me, Maaf Zahir and Batin in case i didn't get to blog on Sunday or Saturday night.

Alright mug mug mug!

Ciaoz.

HaMie!

Stone and cold but who cares?
We're leading our own lives now without each other.

Exclusively Me.

2009-09-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

MyNiceSpace.com

Hey world..
I'm back after quite a while. Been mugging. Hahah. By the way, saw that photo on one my Tagged friends profile. I thought it was cool and so i decided to put it up here, on my blog. Emo couple. Is that cool or what? Well at least i find it cool. Haha. (The upload photo link is missing again. And i really dunno whether this is happening at other people's blogger cause my bro said it could be because of the mio connection. But then again.)

Anyways,last Friday was fun. Fati, Ray, Santi and dear cuzzie were beautiful in their sari. Me ah? I'm in school uniform. What do you expect? Of course ugly la. Hahah. One thing to take note, i am never pretty, beautiful, cute or whatever you call it. The only time i know i was the most chio *ehem* was on the 14th of November 2007, Grad Nite. Hopefully i didn't get the date wrong. Anyway it's all thanks to kam's help! :D I am such a pathetic soul. Okay..i better stop demoralising myself. *slaps* This kind of thing takes time for me. Ok hamimah! Stoppit.

Oh ya, anyways took a lot of photos last week. So not me. Hah. Had lots of fun too to the point that i forgot that this week was the school holidays. Tsk. Back to mugging. And it's thursday. Been doing maths all the time from Saturday to Monday. Touched History on Tuesday but can't make links inside my head and thus, i decided to use a different studying strategy for that subject which i haven't tested. Gonna test it tomorrow. A must. So last 3 days, i'm so gonna mug on History since the paper's on Monday. After that, gonna mug on Chem all the way until the exam on Thursday. Next weekend may go haywire since it's the celebrating week. Hari Raya's most probably gonna be on Sunday. Maths is gonna be a risk this prelims. And chem too. Since paper 1 and 2 is on thursday after hari raya. Ahh.. why am i talking this shit. We must try!!! Nothing is ever impossible. I'm so gonna ace prelims. *groans* (Psst..dun tink i can make it. AHH!)

Anyways, got my baju kurung already. Smiles :) Went Geylang yesterday. I took hours to choose a baju. All my tastes seems to be very expensive. My baju was actually 89 bucks. But i got it at 30% discount. Ka ching!
Had been tiring walking all over Geylang. And i think i saw my sec sch teacher there. The English HOD. My bro saw my English and Lit teacher instead which is his teacher too. So kewl. But it would be even cool if i see my teacher with my own eyes since i did not went back on Teachers' Day. Haiz..
Anyways, reached home at 11 plus. Hell of a day.. Walking and walking.

And i haven't cut my hair. Gonna get it done during the weekend. Still not sure whether i wanna straighten my fringe or not. I want. But - haiz.... Budget hamie budget! Your budget is damn small. So think small, don't think big. Huh.

So yeaps, that's all from me.
Ciaoz.

HaMie!

My Friday

2009-09-04T15:36:00.002+08:00

Hey world.. I'm back and blogger is K.O. again. Hahah. Stoopid.
Had GP paper just now and paper 2 s*** to the core. I don't understand the passage at all and half the time i was shivering silently in the cold. I hate the idea of aircons in the hall. So not my thing. I hate aircons. I don't even like fan and i sleep with the windows close and no fan and no aircon. How about that?
Anyways, back to the paper. So yeah it s***. (I'm not suppose to swear during the fasting month.) But paper 1 was better except that i rushed through my last 2 body paragraph cause i spent TOO much time on my intro which is very retarded. I always liked paper 1. :D

Anyway, reached home at 1pm just now. And bertelumbe with my brother. I mean fight in a joking way like gurau-gurau but it was a bit rough though. He tried to do something to my leg. Damn him. Now it's so disproportionate and i got a plaster on my leg. Slashed me. Arsehole. It's still pain. I know lah it's very long like my hair....................................
So gonna put it back in order during the break. Huh. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Ya lah stop laughing la. I know you know what i talking about..
Heh.

Anyways i got exactly 10 more minutes before i'm gonna hit the toilet for a shower and then OFF to school again. Cannot be late this time like on Wednesday since somebody's gonna fetch me in a taxi at CCK. Seriously i don't know why she wanna fetch me at CCK when i can go and take a bus to school all by myself. But frankly, i need somebody to escort me to school since i will be aimless when i reach there. Completely dunno where to go. No friend. My friends gonna usher and whatever. Today only then decided to go for the Aadiperukku. Did i spell it correctly?? So ya. :)

Mr. Sy. is so hot. And irresistable. Haha. Hearing his solo song now in imeem. One piece of a great song i'm telling ya.

Sigh... 1 more minute. So guess what?

TIME'S UP!
BYE!

HaMie!

If I'm scared, I won't hold on to you any tighter.
I would hug you even tighter. Haha.

Wearing OFF

2009-09-01T17:34:00.003+08:00

Reasons for American Dominance (1945-1973)
1) Willing and Able
2) Political climate of the Cold War
3)
4)
.
.
.

... shit. Still dunno my facts. But there's one thing i know. (look below :) )

Reasons for a MUST to pass 'A' levels and get started and get decent grades
1) Maths: Very WILLING and Very ABLE.
2) Malay: Willing and Definitely ABLE.
3) GP: Partially Willing and Definitely Able.
4) History: Willing and Partially Able.
5) Chemistry: Partially Willing and Partially Able.

Wth.

Had fun with Math early this morning. Transformations is not that bad after all. 12am-4am of transformations and i guess yeah.. I understand transformations now. Better than last year.

Had fun in MSN too. Hamimah it's the fasting month! Was chatting with my ex. My prank is hanging in the air. Thought of ending it. But he took it seriously. Let's just leave it until the time comes to tell the truth then.

Blogger is finally 99% perfectly ok. Good.

Have a dose of my cat.
Dammit. Can't upload. Now it's really about mozilla. Always being retarded with me. My bro don't let me use chrome. And internet explorer is totally hopeless! Stoopid. To hell with everything. I always don't get right? Ok fine. Whatever you want. You get new things and i get whatever you don't want anymore right? Ok fine. #$%*&%$# Ass. Slap some more lah. Your hand like angsana right? Anytime can land on my wide cheek right? WHATEVER.

Ergh. So frustrated. What do people take me as?

And tomorrow. Why is it so hard to talk to people just to get an approval? Just yes or no. It's not like i'm going clubbing. I'm not even forcing for an approval. And i guess prom nite is off for me. No yes, No no. What do i do? I can't read brains you know.

Go fly kite and catch some fish in the pond la. I'm so fed-up.

But i really need to get motivated for the 'A's. In exactly 2 months. Malay paper is coming first on the 2nd of November.

So mad.

HaMie!

Too much. My patience is wearing off big time.

Stressed up.

2009-08-30T18:50:00.002+08:00

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

.:21 Guns by Green Day:.

A lot of work to do. No slacking please Hamie. And the school portal is flooded with solutions for revision packages, tutorials, revision lectures and HISTORY! When will i ever have the time to copy it all out? I do not have a printer. And i prefer seeing my own handwriting rather than typed out. Really. Shit3. So dead. And my thumbdrive is running out of space??

HaMie!

Eyes aflame with light!
It kindles a glowing spirit
It warms a passionate heart...
Turn your eyes on me...

Stronger.

2009-08-29T17:04:00.001+08:00

Why do you have to always make my day start off badly?
Why do you have to always make me feel guilty although that's not your intention?
Why do you always have to make me feel bad on a day that i will need most support to pull through it?

Yes i know that's not your intention.
But it's unfair if it's always me who have to take care of your feelings.
I also have feelings.
You say you know my feelings.
But you don't know that you don't know much about it.

It's just totally unfair.
I've been a fool.
To accept you.
I've been used.
And me leaving have no impact.
You are confiding in me instead.

I hate those poems.
Please do not send it to me personally again.
Send it to your friends.
They don't mind.
I mind.
Your way of venting out your feelings towards her is very uncomfortable for me.
And why do you not know that it's inappropriate for me?
What have i become to you?
Was i just a friend?
Or was i there for you to -

Let's stop this chapter.
You have hurt me.

Hey world...

So i'm back in action in school again this week. Was great being back in school instead of being stuck at home being unsure whether i'm at the right pace in my studying. My progress for the 'A's is bad, as usual. But yesterday made me feel great and confident again. Like wow. For the first time in my 2 years in JC, i felt that i had in a little way did it for History although overall i still failed the whole paper.

I scored a total of 36/100 for the History full paper mock test. I'm not sure how much i get usually but i think around 20 plus on an average. I only scored 36 for this one maybe because of the last global economy essay which i only got 1 mark for. Pulled everything right down. And maybe because of the source-based question which i usually pass but i got a miserable 10 marks this time. Anyways, my point is my cold war essays improved. More than improved, i passed it. I passed an essay like finally. Average marks would usually be 8 to 9 marks. This mock test i got 12/25 for the Korean War essay and 13/25 for the end of Cold War essay. Yippee. 'S' for source-based, 'E' for Korean War, 'D' for end of Cold War and 'U' for global economy. Whatever it is, i'm happy. Passed 2 of my essays is a big hurray-hurray thing for me who consistently fails.

I just hope that the cold war questions in 'A's won't be so hard and i hope they won't put so many global economy questions inside. Almost too late to study the whole of global economy. But it's still possible. I have to take care of the structure of my essays though and know the main points at least. It's very important.

Sigh... Could have scored if i remembered about Bretton Woods. Damn. But nevermind, this prelims is a must pass.

So what else do i want to say? Brain dead.

I think my coughing had stopped. It had actually been going on for 1 and a half week.

Oh yeah, besides History, Malay lit had also made my day yesterday. Got 15/20 for 3 essays out of 5 in the mock test on Monday. Cool for me cause on average, it would be 14 marks or lower and rarely 15 or more. And i got 3 of them 15 out of 20. In exam condition where i'm not really prepared and my brain is elsewhere in slumber land. But by the time i finish 3 essays, i couldn't take it anymore since i wasn't mentally and emotionally prepared for the test. Thus, it explains the 6 and 2 marks essays. Hahah.

Why the hell am i talking about my papers anyway?

Anyways, i checked out LaSalle and guess what? They got new courses. What i exactly want is there. Now i'm over-excited. After successfully fulfilling entry requirements, i would be a step away from my dreams. BA (Hons). How about that man... :DD

Ya i know it's sad and rather stoopid. I don't plan to head to uni after my 'A's. In fact, why i'm doing this is because i don't think i will pass my 'A's with flying colours and even if i pass i don't think i can get to uni or even get the course that i want. But in the first place what course do i want in uni? I have no idea. Law? Crazy. All As. Fat hope.

Even though it's rather saddening that i don't plan to go to uni after 'A's which is what most people would do, at least i know what i want now instead after 'O's where i don't think i am really sure of what i want. So now i'm determined. To LaSalle i will go. Need to get more info about it though and there's a lot of work to do after 'A's. Right now, focus on the present. Get the 'A's done. Do myself some justice by getting good grades if not fantastic. Must pass all my subjects!

So. Now, there's 2 weeks to study for prelims but 1 week for GP though. Monday half-day, Tuesday no school, Wednesday e-learning day which i don't think we have to do anything, Thursday consultation day- History consultation at 12-1pm, Friday GP paper. Good luck to me. Bleah. Hopefully no lower than D.

Alright. Adios people! That's all for today. Te amo.

Wordy and lengthy post. Bleah. But that's just me.

HaMie!

Wish i could get in touch with that long lost friend again.
1.3 decades. Is it ever possible?

Advanced Additional September Holiday :)

2009-08-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed with mixpod. Can't seem to get the shuffling thing right. Hmph. And i'm even more pissed with blogger. What the fishing hell is fishing wrong with blogger. HMPH. Can't upload photos, can't change font, can't change colour... Disappointed to the max!

Anyways, hey world.
Woke up with a stomachache today at 8.10am but stayed on bed till 8.45am until i realised the urgent need for the toilet. Heh. It feels weird to wake up so early seriously. I would usually sleep until 1pm or 3pm or 2pm or 5pm. That's because i slept at 5am. Slept at 12.30am last night though. I thought that maybe this time i could do myself some mercy. For my health and for 'A's. It comes with a disadvantage though. I must get use to studying in a chaotic home environment during weekends and i must have discipline in the mornings. Cuz i love to stone in the morning. And daydream.. And i must also get use to trying to sleep under the room light cuz apparently the loser sleeping in the same room as me is afraid of the dark.(Hello! Are you reading this? Hahah.) He refuse to use my study lamp that could partially light up the whole room.

Alright. So today's 4th day of MC. And i miss school food. Spaghetti and Nasi Briyani. PAPADOM! HAha. The next time i step my foot into the school would be the fasting month. Haiz.... Sad. *sniffs* :'( Miss my friends too. More *sniffs*. :[

I'm still not in top health condition though. Like damn. One of my medicines for sore throat is finished and i'm still coughing. Bad sign? Good sign? But most importantly, should i go visit the doctor tomorrow again? I'm so lazy to wait and wait and wait. Private clinics are so not me. My mum actually. I just go with the flow. Tsk. Runny nose still a bit but i think it has been the same since the first day and i'm left with 1 tablet. Hah.
Fever gone down but i dunno.
Woke up feeling mabok (dizzy) today. Slam on bed again after some business with the toilet. I was mabok at close to midnight yesterday. Dunno why. Am i okay? Hamie are you okay?? ANSWER ME. Maybe i should go visit the doctor again tomorrow just to confirm my paranoia that i do not have the virus. (My music needs to shut up now. So irritating. Same 6 songs repeating over and over again.) Actually i'm not paranoid. Just trying to exercise some social responsibility.

So ya. 1 whole week of lessons gone. But at least the whole syllabus has been covered. But i'm still weak at some topics. Oh wait. I think all. Can you imagine if i go to the clinic again tomorrow, will i stand a chance to get an extended MC? Heh heh heh. HAHAHA! Fat chance loser. I'm so sick of home. Got nowhere to go and can't think of anywhere to go. But i wanna go to town and i wanna buy a new watch. Craze for watches. Digital watches. Aiming on branded ones this time. Or a look-alike. As long as it's not the one primary school kids wear. Like the one i have now? And which i wear to school everyday? Huh? Huh? Huh?

I went blog-hopping just now. Viewed blogs of people who are wayyyyy older than me. And i don't know them at all. Actually they're not that wayyyyy older than me. Just around 5 years older. There's one blogger where his mum was like asking him when are you going to get a girlfriend and be married and have children? Apparently his mum wants to be a grandmother. So drama. My conclusion is there's no crap in their blogs. There is maturity (not like mine's). Duhh. 23 years old. What do you expect? No vulgarities. Just mature people. Not like me. Talk cock everyday. Rooster.

This post is gonna be verrrrry long. Bear with me. I'm having an advanced additional September holiday. (Anybody jealous?) You have to understand.

So let's talk about yesterday. I was having diarrhoea. I think. Because all i ever do yesterday was eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit. For 4 times. The last time i eat i didn't shit on the day itself but y'know, this morning one. Why am i talking about Shit? Did i just throw your appetite away? Good. Cuz if i don't have appetite, you musn't too. Cuz i'm a big eater and it's seldom that i lose appetite. And right now i have no appetite to eat. Which is a big fat lie. :*

Yesterday i was hyper too. Cuz i'm sick of sleep. Sleep makes me even tired. But i still had my short nap from 2 to 3pm. After that watched music videos and then i decided to start on my work. Did, ermm, 1 chapter of organic chem and i almost vomited blood. Weakling. By the end of it, i was giddy which was at almost 12 midnight. Why am i staying up so late? I'm sick and it's an ADVANCED ADDITIONAL HOLIDAY!!

I'm at level 17! Hahah. Talking about Restaurant City.

Procrastinator. Buck up and MUGG!

Smile with me.

HaMie!

6 days

2009-08-18T14:17:00.000+08:00

Hey world, me is back.
And for the first time in my life, i got 6 days mc. Woow. So kewl. Second longest mc since chicken pox. Hahah!
I'm feeling very weak and i seem to get worse over night. But this time i can't stand being in bed. I have to get up and do something even if it means playing games and not studying. I just can't stand the thought of not studying cuz i'm sleeping. Heh.
Anyways, i was bedridden yesterday. I couldn't get up and i got damn dizzy. I went blank when i tried to get up and all i wanted to do was to lie down. And yeah, so i slept from 3.30pm, woke up at 5pm cuz i forgot to take my medicine, slept, woke up at 11pm to take medicine again and slept till almost 7am today.
My mum blame me for being nocturnal that caused me to be sick. But i don't think so. This sickness came without warning. It came yesterday and got worse yesterday too. My temperature was a horrible 39.3. Bleah.
Whatever it is, i hope i don't have any virus in me and i hope that i will get better so that i can get back to business. :D Smile hamie!

Alright. So now what do i do? I don't feel like writing. And restaurant city's down. Bammit. Sleep? Huh. No. Let's just write ok? I dunno what else to blog about. Any idea?

I'm hungry leh.

Haha.

There's still something wrong with my blogger. Tsk.

Study la Hamimah! A level in 2 months right...

Out.

HaMie!

Perasaan is Feelings just like Cinta is Love.

2009-08-12T23:59:00.003+08:00

Sometimes,
Sesuatu that is called perasaan ini adelah sangat-SANGAT mengelirukan.
Sebab aleh-aleh je aku rase pilu dan sebak sangat.
Asal?
Den start la.. aku teringat.. flashback kind of thing you know?
Even normal routine macam pegi sekolah je boleh buat aku sebak.
Bukan pasal aku fikir pasal homework yg tk terbuat tu..
Buat tak buat, aku pedulik ape sak.
Kau tahu tak macam mane rasenye?
It's a while but it's so strong.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
Emotional stress... Ceh bah.. Baru break pe... Hakikatnye da brape bulan da...
Maseh emo?
Sungguh tak boleh move on punye species.
Tapi aku tau bukan pasal dier..but maybe a bit la..
Aku tak tau la..
Stop cakap Melayu la!

Hello world!
Me is back.
I was just saying in rojak language that i'm having some kind of an issue with my feelings and it's burdenising me big time. And i was also saying that sometimes sadness just hit me all of a sudden and it hit so hard but for a while only. That's the weird part. Guess i just got to put my feelings right. And sometimes very upbeat songs like sean paul's so fine and rihanna's te amo at very loud volume really help to release a lot of stress. People study stress, i emotional stress. W T F!

I got about 82 days left before my first 'A' level paper and know what?

I don't feel like going uni.

Middle finger.

ARGHH!!!

sORY... I know i'm very vulgar....

;(
I feel so sad.

Maybe it's because of him after all...
Ah? NO!!!! IT'S NOTTT!!!
Stop being in denial. Ass.

HaMie!

Directly and Indirectly.

Loser. Shuddup.

2009-08-02T05:44:00.000+08:00

I hate presentations. I just hate it a lot. I always get super gabra (be confused, frightened or shock; panic) and my heart will be like beating so hard. Had been doing this for years (but maybe not too much) and i'm still gabra like hell. And i think everybody can see it. From those shivering hands of mine. But it's also a part of inheritance though. Damn la. I mean like you can't read everything from the slides during the presentations. You must like elaborate and yada yada yada. And sometimes it must be a pronto thing. I can't do all that man. I'm slow at making connections. Yeah alright whatever...i tried to put on a calm face but the panic and shock and the gabra-ness is all over my face!

But i always do presentations. Small ones. In classes you don't see me in. No offence. I'm really willing to do it. Since i'm slow at contributing ideas. And that subject is my forte. So why not? But still. Gabra and not pronto enough. Loser. I thought i could build up my self-confidence over countless times of presentations. But me still stayed the same. That makes me Double the Loser.

Sometimes i wondered how i managed OP last year. Heh. But that was a group presentation. So yeah, there's support and there was also a LOT of practice and memorising. But i still think i did badly.

Presentations are just not my cup of tea.

But for the sake of my future to be a more confident person, i'm willing to do it till eternity until i get the gabra and pronto thing right.
Why Hamimah, why?

I had stomachache just now. Maybe more to cramps but not the other cramp. I just felt like my stomach is pain like the one i felt 3 years ago when i was sec 3. It felt like a hungry kind of pain but it's not since there's something fishy about it. So i decided to eat. And the pain is stil there. Same degree of pain. I tried to search for the medicine from 3 years ago hoping that it haven't expire yet. But i can't find it. So here i am, online only at 2am and the pain had lessen. Huhh. I think it's starting again. The slouching helps ease it though.

Can this stomachache come again on Tuesday? I hate Tuesdays. I hate to come to school on Tuesdays. Tuesday is such a freaking long day. From before 8am to 5.30pm. TIRING! And boring subjects too. But on second thought, which subject is not boring? None. This makes everyday in school - Boring.

What should i say about the progress of the day yesterday? Half fruiful. Did some stuffs but haven't revised yet and the main homework are still not done yet. Like the crazy 2 essay outlines, hypothesis, and grp 2. Aim for this weekend is to do all that and get my Global Economy stuffs right, Maths graphs, Chem acid-base, equilibria and Ksp. Look at the time. I'm not asleep yet. Most probably i will wake up at 3pm. And then what? Pshh... Day gone bebeh. What a life.

And i'm online now not because of crappy stuffs. I did and sent my malay lit grpwork part, looked thru the points for gp presentation on tuesday and gathered some info to elaborate, went to school portal to save tutorial and mye solutions. Seriously that's what i did. But why did it take so long? Don't tell me i'm bad at multi-tasking. I just viewed some photos and notes on facebook and "switch on" my restaurant city as well as listen to only ONE youtube video!

Bammit!

HaMie!

Aniwaes...this is the video i was listening to..
Nice one from Rihanna. Love it loads.
But i'm not listening to it because of my can't-get-over-with-my-previous-relationship.
The song is just really very nice.

History mock test on Wednesday.
GP mock test on Friday.
NO!!!!!

And it's AUGUST!!

Stoopid things.

2009-07-26T05:28:00.000+08:00

Hey world... My blogger's a bit better now although the link to upload photos etc is still missing. The box had finally shifted up but the size is wider than usual. I don't care about that though. What's important is i see the 'big picture'. Not some teeny weeny box.

Hmmm.. So earlier today (which is like a few hours ago) i found out some things and figured out some things but yeah... i prefer to keep it stoned and just keep myself oblivious about it. Ignorance is best in this kind of situation. Like y'know... "you can't see me cry".. So jiwang.

Anyways, i'm very sleepy. I need to sleep. Today will be the last day i'm fasting to pay back. Like FINALLY! I'm almost done! But bad news is my work is still not done. Maybe a bit here and there. But generally, NOT DONE.

I'm starting to love mixpod again. Because finally, i can get malay songs from there again. Apparently, for a period of time, i couldn't get malay songs there. I can only get like those english songs. And yes, i can finally listen to the full song of Sleeq's Sembunyi any time i want since the mixpod has the full song. Like yeahoo!

Oh shoot, my cat is hungry.To the kitchen i will go! And back.

I got a complain.
I want to complain about the 285 bus service. So slow and so f***ing irritating. Just for the sake of those who have no idea what i'm talking about: 285 is a feeder bus service from Clementi and make the loop at the Pandan loop i think. I take that bus to get to the MRT from my house and to my house from the MRT. It is only a 10-minute ride or 5-minute when it is really not a peak hour. (Sometimes i just dunno when's the peak hour.) The duration is almost the same as taking 190 or 985 or 975 from CCK MRT to school or from school to CCK MRT.

Anyways, what happened was on Friday, i had to wait for the freaking bus to come for like 25 mins! I was going home from school. Reached the bus interchange at like 8.50pm (night-studied in school alone) and got the bus at like 9.20pm. I got so fishing irritated that when i saw my primary school friend, i just ignored her. Grr.

I know she recognise me. We have met for a few times and our mums know each other but i just don't care and she also. Am i suppose to make the first move? What if she cannot remember me? I mean i've changed a lot. Like the addition of so many pimples... Like what the hell.. HAMIMAH! Anyway it feels so awkward to be around her now. We use to be about the same height and now it's like she's 10cm taller than me. I feel so small..

Anyways, back to the bus. I'm so gonna *grrrrr*.... I can't do anything about it right?

There is also another bus though. 78. But that bus is unpredictable. Sometimes it will come fast and sometimes it won't come at all. Ergh! Clementi is such an idiotic place to live in right? Especially when it's associated with West Coast.

Huh.

Okay my mum is nagging.

Buh bye!

HaMie!

4th Skin

2009-07-25T06:09:00.002+08:00

Okay. My blogger is still not okay. I'm still typing in the small box and i can't upload pics since the link is missing. What's wrong man.....?????

Anyways, i've changed skin again. my 4th skin since i created this blog in November last year. :) I need change. I get bored easily.

Anyways, how am i? Fine. Been emo-ing badly for 2 consecutive midnights. But it was all worth it. I now found my answer. The answer is painful but that's part and parcel of accepting. And yeah, i think i'm okay now. I promise i won't emo in school anymore.

I'm brain dead again.

Anyways, A level is in another 15 weeks. 15.. 14.. 13.. 12.. 11.. 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. A LEVELS!! Damn. And i'm doomed. And i still do not know how to divide my time to revise all the subjects effectively. Weekends are damn not enough and my weekdays are just so tiring. Prelims is in 6 weeks? Damn.

Anyways, let's talk about some other things. You know the H1N1 flu thingy? Who won't know right? Anyways, that epidemic is scaring the shit out of me. My brother just declared to me last night that he sat beside a person in his class who is confirmed to have H1N1 the next day. Like, hello. I do not want that flu. I'm taking my A levels, my results suck, i can't spend about 1 week being sick and unable to study, i have asthma and that's risky. But wth, my asthma is not that serious anyway. Haiz.. What a world. I told you pig is not halal... You don't want to listen.. Look at what's happening now. Even bird flu is not this bad right?

Haiz haiz haiz... Tsk. I think i'd better go. It's late. I need to sleep. Hope you like the new skin! And i hope that whatever is wrong with my blogger, would be okay very soon.

Cheerioz and buh bye!

HaMie!

2009-07-21T23:18:00.006+08:00

Oh damn those fishes, wad telah happen to my blogger. It's so stoopid and dumb writing my post in this small teeny weeny box. Ergh!

Anyways, hi. It's a Tuesday. I'm actually feeling verry down but this stoopid problem with my blogger account makes my mood a bit better cuz i'm preoccupied by this problem. Wth.

Things didn't go out fine.. He's throwing tantrums and keep wanting to talk to me. That guy just refuse to leave me. He can't seem to get it clear that i don't want to hang around with him anymore although we can still be friends. It's a bit too much after the kind of love he gave me and what he had forced me to do.

I'm confused. I always lose the link when like a few hours ago, the link was so very the damn clear that he's taking advantage of my niceness. I hate myself for losing the link. Why can't i keep it stuck in my head and be a much more confident person and stand up for myself? For my rights?

Sighs...

I got a lot of work to do. Tons. Gotta go and catch up on my sleep too. I'm so stressed. When the hell am i going to revise in this state? And what? Born Haber Cycle test tomorrow?? Darn.

Bye world.

HaMie!

2009-07-19T03:20:00.002+08:00

Hey world, i'm back again. With a thought in mind.

I feel that i was a bit too harsh on my previous post.

And that made me totally not at peace. My apologies.

As i glanced at my phone, i saw my reflection on the mirror.

What a glum face.

I visited his profile just now and i guess... he got the message.

That i'm avoiding him.

It's for my own good too.

I gotta think of myself sometimes.

Guess he didn't help out at the kenduri yesterday.

I can't bear to see him anymore.

It hurts me everytime we talk and everytime we see each other.

I shall not talk much about it.

Shh.

It's my private and personal life.

You.

Stay away from it.

It's my problem.

I don't want people to get involved with my problem.

I just.

Want to be alone.

I'm getting too much views too. At least to me.

Had 5 views in 4 hours from 9 pm to 1 am just now.

I don't really like it.

Guess i'm not gonna put the link to my blog on my msn anymore.

But i know some will still look.

Just that the viewing rate will go down.

I've tested before.

I'm still awake.

Yeah.

Waiting for 4 am to come along.

Wanted to fast today.

If i sleep i will definitely not wake up.

I'm just killing time now.

Thought of doing the Personal Qualities (PQ) on word doc but i ended up watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on my VCD. Haven't finished watching. Still at the 1st disc. Today is a chronically and seriously wasted day. And i haven't wake up from the fact that 'A' levels is in 3 months. And my results suck. Somebody give me a tight slap.

I'm gonna eat maggi later. Anybody wanna join me?

Candle light breakfast? Oh come on....

HAha.

I'm gonna reach level 16 in Restaurant City soon. Haha! Grow up man.

Math math math... you make me love you so much. Math have never been this lovely before. I'm so gonna hug you Math. By the way, is it Math or Maths?

Stay happy ok world? Don't be like me. Emo piece of shit.

All this time i was wasting

Hoping you would come around

I've been giving out chances every time

And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long

Baby but I figured you out

And you're thinking we'll be fine again

But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent

I might believe you if I didn't know

Could've loved you all my life

If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets

And I'm tired of being last to know

And now you're asking me to listen

Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey

And it never would've gone away, no

You used to shine so bright

But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore

I won't pick up the phone

This is the last straw

There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry

But I don't believe you baby

Like I did before

You're not sorry, no, no, oh

No, oh, no, oh, no oh

Whoa, no, no

:You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift:

You've had enough of my rants world..

I promise i won't babble much about him anymore..

He's the past meant to be forgotten.

And i have to think of myself and my own happiness too.

Cheers from me,

HaMie!

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

2009-07-18T18:45:00.006+08:00

Okay. So now what do i blog about? Today's boring day, post some song lyric, crap or what?

Hmmmmm..... let me think for a while...

I mean, seriously. Should i pick up the call? I gave it a miss for 3 times altogether since yesterday. He's not worth my time and yes definitely he's not worth my tears too. And he will kutuk me and say that i'm like a biscuit - on and off. Wtf. For a person like him who had treated me like trash, he deserve the biscuit treatment. And anyway he got the company of his best friends where he can always complain about his ex before me and i don't think i even played a part in his love story. It's all about her. I'm only nice, whateverr. You haven't seen the worst of my true colours. Yeah i'm jealous, you can bet that.

I mean who WON'T be JEALOUS? When you're so obsessed with your ex when you're with another girl who quarrelled with her mum because of you, willing to wait for you, endured your obsession with your ex and even went to the extent of calling your ex before me when i'm already your ex just so you want to let the ex before me believe that you really loved her so much. What crap shit is this? And after all the help, you made assumptions about my feelings which is so not true and made me pouring with tears. In school some more. Ergh... I hate to say this but you're damn jinx. And after that, you want me to fulfil your desires. To hell with that and YOU.

You are so hot and cold. And so untrustworthy. I won't fucking believe what you say anymore. It's you who got STM, not me. I'm fine. I have long-term memory with the exception that i do not remember small precise details.

Goodbye la bodoh! Is it so hard to understand? JUST GO!! Leave me!

HaMie!

Unbelievable.

2009-07-18T03:53:00.004+08:00

I'm in floods of tears... Read a very touching e-mail chain message.. Thank goodness didn't have the time to read it in school during GP at the com lab. I wouldn't want anyone to see me in teary condition again for the second time this week.

Anyways, hey world...

So school had started this week. Woke up at 5am every day and back home at 6-7pm latest. Wednesday is a joy now since there's no more CCA and school ends at 1.30pm. And Monday, Tuesday and Friday still suck cuz they still put the h2 mother tougue subject at the last slot in the timetable. That's why i came back late. But let's rejoice at the fact that i have 3 hours break on Monday, 2.5 hours break on Wednesday, and 3 hours break on Friday. These breaks are useful for me to get my work done rather than go home and all i do is zzzzz...... Nothing fruitful done.

Anyways, a summary of my week:

Monday gundu

Tuesday lost

Wednesday emo

Thursday verrrrry high

Friday sleeeepy

I was really lost on Tuesday. Was late for malay by half an hour. -_- Didn't check the new timetable.. Everything is like almost the same... What a loser.

Wednesday is very emo and i-just-want-to-be-alone! But not really. For the 2nd part. Can't believe i was a fool again. That person is totally untrustworthy. I hope i won't give in anymore. To hell with you. I do not want to still keep in touch with you. Glad i irritated you and then you hung up on me yesterday. And i didn't call back and you gave in and called me 18.5 hours later. But i didn't pick up. Wtf. We all know this won't last long. Because Hamimah has such a sweet heart. She won't let her phone ringing continuously and she can't bear not calling back a missed call. Ergh.

Thursday ended at 3pm and that's like woah.. Joy to the world! Last term i had to stay in school for 5 more hours. So fun to step down when it makes a HUGE difference to my schedule.

Friday. Zzzzzz..... First lesson which was math lecture and my head was already down and eyes shut tight. So Santhiya wrote me a note:

I pasted it on my organiser... :)

And amazingly, i straight away did math when i reached home after all the bathing and stuffs. Therefore, i finished sampling except for the last 2 qns i dunno how to do. After that, i did the best thing in the world.

Zzzzz.... Sleep. Isn't that cool??

And now i'm awake. What's my plan for today? I have no idea. Other than finishing all the homework grrrr... And oh damn, the testimonial.......... and cca thingy.... Waste my life. In this case, when do i study? My mid-year results suck. 3 'U's, D for GP and B for Malay! I passed Malay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All i need to do now is consistency for GP and Malay and if possible, improvement. For the other 3 unfortunate subjects, i gotta put double the effort for them. Haiz......

Ok what else do i babble about?

Quack quack quack!

I'm so brain dead.

But i was full of ideas just now.

Oh YEAH!! I remember one now! K. Anugerah Planet Muzik (APM) 2009 is tomorrow - as in today. Since i can't go to Jakarta to watch it, i'll watch it on TV. Must catch. I'm supporting local singers. Especially Sleeq and Mr. Taufik Batisah! But i didn't vote. -_- So much of being patriotic. Do they accept prepaid?? It cost $1. So ex. But understandable. The vote goes all the way to Jakarta right? Heheh.

But anyways, thank goodness the venue and the hotel where the APM will be held at and where the artists stayed in is far from the place where the bombing occurred.. For once i listened to the news.

Hope Sleeq get at least 1 award. :D

And i know that TB is definitely gonna get an award. He's amazing.

Okae.. i think that's all from me.. I'm sooo gonna sleep again.

Buh bye!

HaMie!

Control the emotions.

2009-07-12T03:36:00.002+08:00

I'm not the type to get my heart broken

I'm not the type to get upset and cry

Cos i never leave my heart open

Never hurts me to say goodbye

Relationships don't get deep to me

Never get the whole in love thing

If someone could say they love me truly

But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone

I'm spinnin' around

And deep inside

My tears i'll drown

I'm losing grip

What's happening?

I stray from love

This is how i feel

This time was different

Felt like i was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm in this condition

And i've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?

Coz it's hurting me to let it go

Maybe coz we spent so much time

And i know that it's no more

I should have never let you hold me baby

Maybe why i'm so sad to see us apart

I didn't give it to you on purpose

Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

My mind is gone

I'm spinnin' around

And deep inside

My tears i'll drown

I'm losing grip

What's happening?

I stray from love

This is how i feel

This time was different

Felt like i was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm in this condition

And i've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

How did i get here with you?

I'll never know

I never meant to let it get so personal

And after all i tried to do

To stay away from love with you

I'm broken hearted

I can't let you know

And i won't let it show

You won't see me cry

This time was different

Felt like i was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm in this condition

And i've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

This time was different

Felt like i was just a victim

And they cut me like a knife

When you walked out of my life

Now i'm in this condition

And i've got all the symptoms

Of a girl with a broken heart

But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life

:Cry by Rihanna:

I feel so lonely, world...

How is he?

Was he hurt by what i said on Friday at 1.15am?

World, can you do me a favour?

Accompany me.

My frozen heart has melted again...

I love rainy days..

2009-07-11T01:55:00.002+08:00

Hey world..

Official school's gonna start on Monday. Time to discipline my eyes again. Don't sleep when not needed! Study!

Anyways, got my history paper today. As usual, i sucked at it. Been getting straight 'U's for that subject since last year. What can i do? I mean i really tried my best. But maybe a bit too last minute though. Haiz... It's a 'U' world.. 'U' grade!

But what's done is done. Chillax! What the- No time to chill. Gotta smack myself sometimes. Most of the time actually.

Tsk.

I'm so fed-up.

Tsk.

And i'm getting skinnier everyday. What the foot! How do i gain weight tell me? I'm sooo disgusted at the person i'm seeing in the mirror.

Tsk.

Buh bye.

Tsk.

HaMie!

Tsk.

The suppressed frustration and anger that has accumulated for so many years.

Tsk.