Hey! It's July. I thought i missed a few months. Lol. I know no one reads this blog but it's okay.

I've been fighting with myself lately. And as much as i try to tell myself that i'm not in any way deeply affected  by my performance at the 'there' last week, I think about it quite a lot actually. I'm very disappointed with myself of course because i didn't put my best even though i knew that even if i get it, i won't like it. I feel like a total bum, a total gundu. I've wasted 2.5 months in search of something 'better'. And I'm a bit phobic right now. Wanted to try the other thing but MY, my self-esteem is so low.

I'm just tired. Tired of chasing, tired of being angry. Two years already and you still can't afford to - I shall not pick up my anger. Don't take my soft-heartedness for granted. You need it and so do i. And i never got around to asking. Because my fed-upness overrules that i don't even wanna talk to you. You always disappoint people and you never fail at it. We all come to a conclusion that you treat us like wimps. You picked us because we can do nothing, because you are overpowering. That disgust me.

It's been sucky this all. Moods are swinging out high into the air. May Allah give me and all of us the patience to overcome all the obstacles in life. And give us the strength and confidence that we can do anything that is favourable to Him.

Hams