So I'm in the midst of exams. Confident? Well not really. I feel like I haven't done enough to help myself and to leave everything to Him, I thought it's not fair.

Since the beginning, I promised myself to do well, to not let the JC experience repeat again. But it seems that I've thrown myself into it again. I feel devastated, disappointed with myself. Maybe it started with the subject I hate, halfway through realising that I'm pretty much screwed that nothing went into my head for this subject. So I became unmotivated. And everything sort of followed suit. And fun was beckoning me to come over. Movies, games and movies again..

I can't seem to get myself rooted to the ground. 2 weeks before prelims and I was still working, craving for money. 2 weeks before the big exams and though I was not working, I was pretty much feeling restless and still wanna have some fun. No panic.

Then come the exams. There's this one subject I mugged hard because it's the toughest subject. Even an A grader can get a wimpy 70. What about me? I did all I can. And I can't finish the paper too btw. The second paper I didn't study as hard. Spent quite a lot of time on it too since I alternate this 2 subjects for a week. I didn't study as hard as in 1 day before the paper.

On the 8th n 9th, that should be the next 2 days, God knows what would happen to me.

I keep askin myself 'What if I fail, what if I fail, what if I fail?'. I spent so much on this. Money and effort. If i let this go, I won't wanna come begging again. But what would happen to me? Just surviving around with a very bad 'A' level cert??

I feel sad, devastated!! I just don't know what to do. I want this yet there's this small thing that's telling me it's gonna be temporary!

I'm just mad at myself for not trying extra harder, for succumbing to leisure and entertainment, for being a fuxking BUM!

Hams