When you finally get your butt down and sit, not talking, not having anything to bother you in that split second or when it's just impossible to do something at that moment. Wtf i must begin my sentence with sometimes. Alright, all over!

Sometimes, when you finally get to rest your butt down, not having anything to bother you in that split second or when it's just impossible to do something at that moment, you think. And a lot of things came flooding in. Unconscious thoughts forming itself out. It's been a long time since i had this relieving serenity. Yeah i do have times i take this kinds of break but i'm always listening to others. But this time, my brother didn't talk to me, busy burning money away and so events flooded in my head. Little things that bother me. Cock-ups i had for the day reliving in my head. And i become disturbed, remorsed for that bit of moment. But it's like letting go of that unconscious burden too. How, i don't know, don't ask.

Alone time is important to me. Best done in the night, at the dark, green environment. I hate green but green turns black at night so it's okay. And then my brother is always irritatingly the best companion in this kind of moods and alone time. Cause i can't have alone time all by myself ironically. Alone time in my room, yeah can. But i have so many things to do at home recently that alone time is hard to come by.

And so i thought, what the hell will be the outcome of all my emotional stress? Nothing happens, i won't gain anything from it. I know i won't. Nothing will happen. I'm wasting my brain juices compressing and squeezing out juices when i think about it. Cause if you want the best, the best already had their own best. What's the meaning of life then? I mean this only applies to me because i'm that emo. But true enough, it's always like that. For me.

And then sometime i wonder, how long will i be like this. Sometimes i can't believe myself. Why is it that even so many youngsters now and a large group of my friends have a soulmate of an opposite gender while mine is hard to come by? Wtf i'm talking about boyfriend/girlfriend. Not that i'm jealous or empty. But yeah i feel empty. But you don't need a relationship to not feel empty. But when you live everyday shouting in between your own family members, don't you just get so fucked up? You don't feel happy. Well i don't feel happy. I feel lonely. I don't laugh genuinely and to my heart's content everyday. I laugh when i make jokes just to make myself happy and this is so cliche.

I don't know who am i when i laugh.

Hamie.