I guess it helps when you say out what you want to do for let's say in the future instead of keeping it a secret to yourself fearing that when you say it out, it won't work out. Because today i finally talk about exactly what i want to do about my studies and my future and what's my next step. Every single one of it. Step by step, i had said it. And it felt good. I feel more confident now. More confident of what i am doing. Because now i have a plan. A conscious plan which had been unconscious till i said it OUT.

And a promise have to be kept a promise. Even if it is an informal promise though i am unsure how that happened. And i decided to keep my promise with a bit of sacrifice. All other things can wait.

Jumping back to the topic on the first paragraph, i said i am now sure of what i want to do. But ironically, i refuse to say it out to you bloggy. Maybe because you are exposed to the whole world. I don't want everybody to know and i have freaking no idea why. My counter is moving up up up so fast. I don't like. Haha. Shouldn't have put the link on facebook right? HAHA. But nevermind, this blog is for those who miss me and wants to know what's up with me. Well, big deal. I'm rotting like hell and i'm picking up bad habits. And i haven't clean up all the mess accumulated from last year because of studying and i've been spending a lot and there's a freaking big hole in my pocket and to top it off, i am an internet addict. Spoilt brat.

I guess i really need to put my life in perspective. I wanna live a life with a new perspective. Something Panic at the Disco would advice. ?? Haha. Now that my final decision's up, i gotta correct my life right now. And stop the emo shitness over the past 2 years. Not that it wasn't great - the 2 years. It was great having fun with friends and all the stoopid nonsense all of us did but the hardcore point of school which is the academics part is such a pain in the ass. Now. Live in the NOW Hamie! First things first:

1. Clean up my study table and stack them neatly to pour petrol/kerosene/cooking oil/or whatever that works all over my stuffs and then get a lighter and lit it up.
   
2. Get all past magazines or buy new ones and stack them right near me and not out of reach. So that i can read about outdated news.
   
3. I can't think of anything else creative.
   
4. Tsk. Irritating.

I'm just joking ok. I'll just pack everything. Take whatever i deem may be useful to me in the future and put away the rest and when the time comes, i'll get some money from the karung guni man for them. Haiz... But then i have to put my life in perspective right? And so i will try to stop this stoopid addiction and do what's most important first. Make my momma happy with a neat room. Mucho amor...

But you know what? It's so hard to break away from this addiction. So i think my momma will have to wait for an ideal room. Heh.

And while i wait for next year, i think i have to find something to do to keep my brain moving and working. I can't stand it being stagnant and soon become what my primary school teacher would say rusty..

And goodness. Dementia is the last thing i would ever want in my life. Even if i get old. Researched about it just now and after 2 paragraphs i hate the sound of it i immediately stopped reading. Today i had just forgotten something when it's like only a few hours ago and a few days ago, i forgot what day of the week it is. I was so scared if i missed Friday. But maybe i'm just being paranoid. I'm still young. And maybe this is partly my fault for doing crazy things before and i dunno..does trying to forget about past bitter memories possibly lead to dementia?? I don't know.. Goodness.
But then again, maybe i'm just being a bit too paranoid. So typical of Hamimah..

Forget it. I'm trying hard to fight this okay.

Ah. I guess whatever i've been trying to say day in and day out have been achieved. So bloggy, there's a piece of my life for you. I hope it wasn't crap. Because i keep talking crap recently in my blog...right? Boring life la...what do you expect? My life is a stoopid monotonous cycle.... It was and still is and will be anyway. Since last time all the way until now. Like ALWAYS. Argh.

HaMie!