Hey bloggy... you gotta teman (accompany) me tonight... :]



It's wonders what this song can do to my mood... And i thought i'm going to burst out everything here tonight but no i'm not. I'm just this song. This song reflects myself. This song is called Sederhana sang by Syarif Sleeq. He's amazing. I mean - of course he is. :)

Let's just persuade Hamie to talk a bit more ok?
Alright.

Now how do i start? Ok. I can't deny that i feel at a losing end in every aspect of my life lately.
First off, i don't think i will pass my A levels which means to say i doubt i can or will get into university this August.
Secondly, i don't think i can survive whatever i'm doing right now.
Thirdly, i do not know what to do with my life. I am 2010 resolution-less.

Bottom line is i'm in self-doubt. I actually half-shouted in my sleep. Not really sleep. Half-asleep state to be exact. I dreamt something bad. Things i do not want happen in whatever i'm doing and things that i do not want happening with the ones i love so much. So i woke up from the dream realising what i had dream and without expecting it, i shouted in a kind of remorseful way. Like a convict. I feel like such a bad person in my dream which is what i fear most and which is what i know i had done but thankfully it didn't turn out so bad like how it should be.

I am so disturbed.
But i know one thing for sure about today. I had learnt a lot. About people and how to tackle them and about the me before. The me who is smart and one whom people are proud of. And of course i am now not the me before. I am so different. Time passes people change.

Today was also quite a stressful and tensed day for me. I feel rebellious or rather mad because i know what it is. It's not normal, it's abnormal. And i'm not about to let the same thing happen to me again.

And i found out that i've lost the essence of crying my heart out. My tears are kept inside. I cannot take it out. Resentment. That's all. And i need my diary. Maybe it'll help.

Thanks bloggy.

Hamie