Why do you have to always make my day start off badly?
Why do you have to always make me feel guilty although that's not your intention?
Why do you always have to make me feel bad on a day that i will need most support to pull through it?

Yes i know that's not your intention.
But it's unfair if it's always me who have to take care of your feelings.
I also have feelings.
You say you know my feelings.
But you don't know that you don't know much about it.

It's just totally unfair.
I've been a fool.
To accept you.
I've been used.
And me leaving have no impact.
You are confiding in me instead.

I hate those poems.
Please do not send it to me personally again.
Send it to your friends.
They don't mind.
I mind.
Your way of venting out your feelings towards her is very uncomfortable for me.
And why do you not know that it's inappropriate for me?
What have i become to you?
Was i just a friend?
Or was i there for you to -

Let's stop this chapter.
You have hurt me.



Hey world...

So i'm back in action in school again this week. Was great being back in school instead of being stuck at home being unsure whether i'm at the right pace in my studying. My progress for the 'A's is bad, as usual. But yesterday made me feel great and confident again. Like wow. For the first time in my 2 years in JC, i felt that i had in a little way did it for History although overall i still failed the whole paper.

I scored a total of 36/100 for the History full paper mock test. I'm not sure how much i get usually but i think around 20 plus on an average. I only scored 36 for this one maybe because of the last global economy essay which i only got 1 mark for. Pulled everything right down. And maybe because of the source-based question which i usually pass but i got a miserable 10 marks this time. Anyways, my point is my cold war essays improved. More than improved, i passed it. I passed an essay like finally. Average marks would usually be 8 to 9 marks. This mock test i got 12/25 for the Korean War essay and 13/25 for the end of Cold War essay. Yippee. 'S' for source-based, 'E' for Korean War, 'D' for end of Cold War and 'U' for global economy. Whatever it is, i'm happy. Passed 2 of my essays is a big hurray-hurray thing for me who consistently fails.

I just hope that the cold war questions in 'A's won't be so hard and i hope they won't put so many global economy questions inside. Almost too late to study the whole of global economy. But it's still possible. I have to take care of the structure of my essays though and know the main points at least. It's very important.

Sigh... Could have scored if i remembered about Bretton Woods. Damn. But nevermind, this prelims is a must pass.


So what else do i want to say? Brain dead.

I think my coughing had stopped. It had actually been going on for 1 and a half week.


Oh yeah, besides History, Malay lit had also made my day yesterday. Got 15/20 for 3 essays out of 5 in the mock test on Monday. Cool for me cause on average, it would be 14 marks or lower and rarely 15 or more. And i got 3 of them 15 out of 20. In exam condition where i'm not really prepared and my brain is elsewhere in slumber land. But by the time i finish 3 essays, i couldn't take it anymore since i wasn't mentally and emotionally prepared for the test. Thus, it explains the 6 and 2 marks essays. Hahah.

Why the hell am i talking about my papers anyway?


Anyways, i checked out LaSalle and guess what? They got new courses. What i exactly want is there. Now i'm over-excited. After successfully fulfilling entry requirements, i would be a step away from my dreams. BA (Hons). How about that man... :DD

Ya i know it's sad and rather stoopid. I don't plan to head to uni after my 'A's. In fact, why i'm doing this is because i don't think i will pass my 'A's with flying colours and even if i pass i don't think i can get to uni or even get the course that i want. But in the first place what course do i want in uni? I have no idea. Law? Crazy. All As. Fat hope.

Even though it's rather saddening that i don't plan to go to uni after 'A's which is what most people would do, at least i know what i want now instead after 'O's where i don't think i am really sure of what i want. So now i'm determined. To LaSalle i will go. Need to get more info about it though and there's a lot of work to do after 'A's. Right now, focus on the present. Get the 'A's done. Do myself some justice by getting good grades if not fantastic. Must pass all my subjects!

So. Now, there's 2 weeks to study for prelims but 1 week for GP though. Monday half-day, Tuesday no school, Wednesday e-learning day which i don't think we have to do anything, Thursday consultation day- History consultation at 12-1pm, Friday GP paper. Good luck to me. Bleah. Hopefully no lower than D.

Alright. Adios people! That's all for today. Te amo.

Wordy and lengthy post. Bleah. But that's just me.

HaMie!