I'm back and i'm typing out my new post. Hehe. Wadever.

I haven't blog for 14 days and yeah..i know..you don't miss me! Which is a good thing. I can't imagine anybody missing me. Scary. Wth. I'm just demoralising. K i know..i'm crapping. 

Anyways, i got new stuffs to tell. Is it a turning point in my life? I don't know. In some ways i guess? After i learn to really respond in the same way as an appoval maybe? 

I've got new dates to remember. 

• 8th March
• 20th March and...
• 14th February
  

Now you get the gist? Yup yup. I've got myself a boyfriend. My first one. I'm 18 and he's my first boyfriend. You got no problem with that right? That's the way.. Love ya! 

Hmm..i got to know him through Tagged. He gave his number, i gave mines, started SMSing the day after, on the 4th day of knowing each other-we talked on the phone. I haven't seen him face to face. I've only seen photos of him which does not look like him at all in real. Ok maybe a bit. On the 16th day of knowing each other....we finally met. 

There's something weird about me. When we haven't meet at all, and i only knew his voice and his photos on Tagged , i had a crush on him. A rather quite big one. I forgot all about my celebrity crush. In fact, i kind of dumped him in my memory. My then-not-boyfriend was filling up every corner of my mind and i couldn't concentrate in class. My tutorials are all undone and i was like lost for that last week of term 1. Then i told myself that this crush is crap. He might not even have the slightest feeling for me and so why am i so obsessed over him? From then on, i put on the mentality to myself that he is just a friend until we meet and that's why i'm like not shy being with him. But that's my greatest regret. And i hope you know why.

Today i'm his girl but i've never really loved him ever since we're a couple. I'm so confused over myself. I want to love him and it hurts whenever he said, "You don't trust me, you don't love me." It's hard to say. I'm so sad that i lost my feelings for him just because i thought i was having a stoopid crush.. Ahh man..this whole thing is stoopid right? I feel like an ultimate bitch. He's a nice guy and he told me he wants to be with me forever. He stroke a nice jackpot because i've said to myself that i want my first boyfriend to be forever. I don't want to lose him. But i'm not loving him. And i don't want to have a relationship with him where i don't feel love. I want to feel it. Cause i don't want to lose him. I just don't want to. Not because i want my first boyfriend to be forever. I just don't want to lose him. Get it? 

However, good thing today was...i talk to him. He's such an arsehole sometimes. He's so sweet and so romantic over the phone and when we meet, he will be making some stoopid jokes and it's so hard to talk serious stuff with him.. Uhh.. what a guy.. But he's my guy.. so it's okay. 

Anyways, the first ones are plucking. Wadever that is..i'm not good at Literature. Come on.. GAG (Get A Grip).  

I know this entry is so not me. But what to do? I'm in a relationship and i'm learning to love. Just talking to him today had somehow make me love him although he's saying something that's breaking my heart. But you know what? I'm beginning to trust him. He should read this blog entry because i can't say this out and this is what he needs to know.

Loves,

HaMie!